


Be My Wild Card

by channilingus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Addiction, Anal Sex, Angst, Fighting, Heavy Drinking, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Smut, Yaoi, drunken antics, inspired by a friend, kickball, lots of f-bombs, questionable morals, trigger warning starts at chapter 5, yuppie bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-01-27 14:06:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12583544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/channilingus/pseuds/channilingus
Summary: Naruto is an uninhibited, unapologetic, reckless force of chaos that wipes out everything in his path. He is your best friend or your worst enemy, either way Sasuke just can't look away.





	1. Duality

* * *

 

 **Wild Card -** _noun_

  1. a playing card that can have any value, suit, color, or other property in a game at the discretion of the player holding it.


  1. a person or thing whose influence is unpredictable or whose qualities are uncertain.



 

* * *

 

 

It only takes a minute for all hell to break loose in the crowded concert hall. Sasuke isn't sure what happened, he isn't even sure he cares, but one second background music is playing and the next a loud voice can be heard yelling above everyone else, "Bitch! I ought to knock you the fu--"

 

Before the words are completely out, a blonde-haired flash is using shoulders to catapult over the crowd and a wicked left hook smacks the open jaw of the yelling man. The crowd gasps, everyone is either moving forward or moving away. More yelling happens. The volume of the room rises. Multiple people are being held back, two people are between the blonde-haired assailant and the person who got hit, bouncers are pushing through the crowd, grabbing people by their collars and pulling them out.

 

Sasuke watches from the third tier of the wooden bleachers that line the wall. From this vantage he can see the whole crowd but all the chatter collides into one deafening tone and it's impossible to pick up what caused the altercation.

 

He catches sight of blood on the assailant’s fist and only for a moment considered if it was his or the person he assaulted before he turns his attention back to the empty stage and takes a sip of his icy beer. He really couldn't care less what a bunch of punks where fighting about.

 

Way back in the day, or what felt like way back in the day-- which was only 6 years ago, Sasuke would have been right in the middle of it. He used to thrive on concerts; especially metal, punk, or hardcore shows, where he could firmly planet himself in the pit with every intention of hitting and kicking as many motherfuckers as he possibly could. He had been an aggressive child for as long as he could remember, anger controlling many of his impulses as a young teen, and the pit was one of the few ways he could release the tension without any real repercussions of his actions. He had made many friends in the pit and just as many enemies. There is pit etiquette that in that time he didn't always follow, so he was no stranger to fistfights breaking out down on the floor.

 

Things had changed for Sasuke since he was younger. Sometimes it felt like one day he woke up and he was too tired to feed his anger anymore. It because easier to just ignore everything instead of allowing it to irk him. The relationship between himself and his brother became more cordial with time. He finally stopped wallowing over his parent’s sudden death. He matured. He laid it to rest.

 

But some things never changed. Which is why he still found himself going to metal shows but he chose to stand with a different audience.

 

Sasuke had been 17 when he was involved in his worst street fight. This fight, which to this day he knows was entirely not his fault, was an event that almost 8 years later certain groups of people still brought up. He personally hated speaking about it anymore. The only reason he didn't catch a felony assault charge was he hadn't been the first to throw a punch and some random person had filmed the altercation on their shitty phone and posted it online.

 

It had probably helped to have an affluent brother, but that was beside the point. Sasuke hadn’t sought out his help.

 

The fight, like almost all fights, had started when a Beef-head had threatened to correct Sasuke's vision if he didn't stop staring at said Beef-head's Not-Hot Meth-head Girlfriend. Sasuke had certainly not been staring at her, he in fact had been trying his hardest to not look in her direction as she eye-raped him from across the parking lot. Beef-head hadn't really cared about who was staring who down, he had just wanted to kick some ass.

 

"I don't appreciate you looking at my girl like that." Beef-head had said to him, getting into Sasuke's space with one large step, blocking Sasuke's vision of the venue. The scoff that came from the back of Sasuke’s throat was followed by a quick suck of air through his teeth. He only thought about if he shouldn’t for a second. He went immediately with, _he should_ because _fuck you._

 

“The only reason someone might look at that dumpster face you call a girlfriend is because they can’t see around your fat, smelly, ass.” He spat on the ground, aiming for the guy’s shoes.

 

At that moment, to a teenage Sasuke, that was about as much effort he wished to put into the situation. He couldn’t give two fucks about the Beef-head or his Meth-head girlfriend, but he hadn’t yet learned the subtle art of diffusion. The girlfriend was not happy with being called a dumpster face and the man was not happy with being called fat or smelly. The female’s loud “What the fuck!” was punctuated by the movement of the man’s fist cocking back for a swing.

 

But who was Sasuke lying to, he lived for fighting. He took every opportunity to throw his weight around and break noses, loved seeing someone’s blood on his fist and hearing the sinister sound of flesh pounding flesh.

 

He dodged the first swing by stepping back, then immediately used his position to push forward and threw his hips into a gut-punch. He could hear the girlfriend cussing him out in the background but was fully focused on hurting the person in front of him. He swung again, barely registering that the man was not so much as fat but pure muscle, this time connecting his fist to the man’s temple. A fist caught him in the chin and Sasuke tasted blood. He saw red even as he felt himself being pulled away, arms wrapping around his back, clamping his arms to his side. Beef-head took the opening and clocked Sasuke another good time in the head before he was pushed out of reach. The cheap shot didn’t help the situation at all and Sasuke’s friends who had been attempting to stop the fight, now joined.

 

Mayhem broke loose. People feed off the energy and started throwing punches at their neighbors. The show hadn’t even opened the doors yet and all the people waiting in line started beating the shit out of each other. People stood to the side and caught the melee on their shitty flip phones while bouncers ran out and started pulling people off each other.

 

Sasuke ended up with bruised ribs, a black eye, a fat lip, and a reputation for starting riots. He spent a full hour in the back of a cop car before he was picked up by his brother. He had been banned from the venue for 2 years after that.

 

No, that wasn’t a happy memory for him at all.

 

 

\----

 

 

Sasuke gets a better view of the blond-haired man after the show, when he is walking towards his car to leave for a bar close by, seeking a night cap or two.

 

It would be hard to not notice the man with the shock of unruly golden blonde hair, but he is also insufferably loud as he talks and laughs among a group of dirty looking people. He is slightly tall and thin, with arm muscles and calf muscles that speak of vigorous punch throwing and bike riding. His khakis have been cut a little too high above his knee and his black shirt looks almost brown with crust. There is a massive hole under his arm pit and as his swings his arms making wide, aggressive gestures, Sasuke can see dried blood caked on his face, hands, and arms.

 

Sasuke hears some widely sexual jokes, thrown in with half-hearted threats, and some solid complaints about not being able to see the show because of the ‘pussy-ass bouncers.’ Everyone is laughing and jesting and as Sasuke is pulling his car out of the parking lot, he sees the blond-haired man giving a bone crushing hug to another man, bending his back and lifting the other man up in the air. A girl is jokingly hitting his arm, a cigarette bouncing in her lips. Someone starts passing around beers and a knife, everyone taking a moment to hold the can on it’s side and stabbing it towards the base.

 

Sasuke’s last view of the man is him shotgunning a beer, one hand above his head cracking the can with the other holding it against his lips, foam slipping free and falling in rivets down his chin and the front of his shirt. A victorious thrust of arms in the air is emphasized by the shadows the street light create on the group, as empty cans are carelessly thrown away.

 

Uninhibited, unapologetic, chaos.

 

 

\----

 

 

It’s a hot, steamy, summer afternoon a few weeks later when Sasuke sees the blonde-haired man again. Sasuke is sitting outside on the patio of the restaurant he slings drinks at, scrolling social media before his shift, when he notices multiple friends had shared the same news clip titled “Lifeguard saves boy’s life first day on the job” with comments like “Nah, that kid is only alive because Naruto was there” and “Once again the news fails to tell the true story because some drunk scum-fuck can’t save a life, it has to be some yup-in-training.”

 

Sasuke watches the video, its bland like all news stories are. It tells the audience about a crowded pool in a town about 20 minutes up the road from where Sasuke currently sat. A 7-year old kid had jumped into the pool and not resurfaced. The news caster states a swimmer who was a trained lifeguard noticed the boy and jumped in to pull him out. The clip jumps to the blonde-haired man Sasuke remembers from the show. He is sporting a black eye, and a lazy smile on his face, nodding as he speaks.

 

“Yeah, it feels good to have helped save him. There is something special about breathing life back into someone.” His eyes are slightly droopy and he has a week-old beard on his face. Sasuke picks up the fact that Naruto must be the drunk scum-fuck referenced in the comments.

 

The news clip continues to talk about the actual lifeguard on duty, and credits her with saving the kid’s life. Sasuke closes out the clip and goes back to the thread, looking through the comments.

 

“I was there. Naruto threw his beer down and jumped right into the pool. He saved that kid. Fuck what the news tells you!”

 

Naruto had been tagged on the thread multiple times, but he hadn’t added his opinion at all.

 

Sasuke thought back to the blonde-flash he saw before the brawl, how there had been no indication that something was going to happen before it did, like the person hadn’t even entertained any thought before acting. People like that are rare. People always think about how a situation will affect them, or how it will make them look. Yes, saving a life is something most people think they can do, but how many people can say they have done it? How many people froze up at that pool, or didn’t notice the boy at the bottom? And what about the fight? Naruto hadn’t been in the fight, he just suddenly inserted himself into it. What had been said before then? What had inspired the fight reaction that appeared to be second nature to this enigma?

 

Sasuke didn’t know, but he could tell that Naruto was a different flavor. He’d be lying if he said his interest wasn’t peaked. Good thing no one was asking.


	2. Unknowns

The summer sun cools, the leaves turn red and yellow then brown before falling to litter the streets. Snow comes not to long after. Cold weather causes people to crowd the inside of bars, drinking and chatting, attempting to stay warm. Sasuke is busy with the season, working long hours, hustling and grinding to save up as much as he could while the money was rolling. He had gone to college later in life than socially expected and was finishing the last few of his credits needed to get his business degree and his boss was pushing for him to start picking up more managing type duties.

 

The snow melted away and trees were starting to bud before he realized he hadn’t seen or heard anything more about the blonde-haired man that had intrigued him during the summer. Spring Break gave him his first real break in a few months so he took advantage of a day off and decided to find a patio to drink at, hoping to find a few locals to shoot shit with.

 

Sasuke was a bit of a loner, but he wasn’t lonely and he didn’t lack friends. He had lived in the same part of town since he had gotten his first apartment, the area also being somewhat of his high school stomping ground, with many small bars that provided local artists stages for their different crafts. He worked in the area, lived in the area, matured in the area, and felt right at home among the other gritty inhabitants of the lower end. His brother hated the area, didn’t understand why he hadn’t stayed in the small outer county that had been their home when his parents where alive, but that place felt distant to Sasuke. It felt cold and unwelcoming. He could feel the eyes of neighbors when he went into that town, judging him for who he was, for his beliefs, for his lack of status.

 

This area wasn’t like that. Yes, there were homeless people all over, and it wasn’t hard to find drugs, and after a certain hour of night some people would claim to feel ‘unsafe’ but Sasuke had never had a problem defending himself, and he rarely saw a face he didn’t know, and he had no problems giving a can of fruit or beans to the homeless man who was infamous in the area.

 

He ran into some people he knew and joined them at the pinic table after he had bought a beer and a bag of chips inside the tiny concession store that housed a small bar and deli, they all greeted him with nods, half-hearted waves, and Aoba’s girlfriend says, “Hey Sasuke!”

 

“Look, charities are great and all. They help people do the minimal amount of work to allow themselves to feel better about themselves. I get it. But a charity event that negatively affects the area in which it is being held doesn’t make any sense to me!” Aoba is saying, his dark sunglasses shielding the look in his eyes, only acknowledging Sasuke’s appearance with a raise of his chin.

 

Daikoku laughs hard, his big gut bouncing up and down. “Man! You’re going to piss off some liberal social justice warrior if you keep talking so damn loud.”

 

Aoba scoffs and waves his hand in the air as if to brush the idea away. “Fuck ‘em! Those people are all talk and no action anyway. I’ll tell them exactly how I feel about that shit right to their face. And it isn’t like they aren’t cursing the runners when all the major roads in the area are blocked off for 8 hours. Why can’t they do their charity run on a fucking track or on the greenway? You know, the one that was built so people could run safely in the city! Fuck!” He takes a large gulp of his drink and Sasuke can tell his has been on this topic for a while, a common topic this time of year as the annual run to “end” homelessness was nearing and would shut down the local area for a full day. On the weekend no less. Sasuke thought the whole idea of the run was a little silly as well, there had to be a better location to hold it. How exactly did shutting down major roads, negatively effecting the small local businesses for the day and the people who worked for them, help anyone? In reality, it was just a way for the rich yuppies to crowd their “artistic streets” for the day and pretend to care about the lives of the people they were effectively running all over.

 

Daikoku gets up and pretends to run in place while he princess waves to all the people sitting on the patio. “Thank you! Thank you! Yes, I know, I am so great! So charitable! Thank you!”

 

The whole table bursts into laughter and Sasuke looks around while he chuckles under his breath. Most people are used to the rowdy locals and ignore them, but there is a girl in the corner holding a designer dog that looks like she might stomp away to write a bad ‘Yelp!’ review. The look of utter disgust on her face has Sasuke hiding a grin behind his beer.

 

If you are too sensitive to hang, then leave. That’s how this crowd feels, and he liked that just fine.

 

The topic changes to local music; the logistics of losing another venue, how much money can be made through one production company or another, and the best locally owned store to buy equipment. Sasuke participates when he has an opinion but mainly listens to the flow of conversation. He tended to listen more, slowly letting other’s thought sink in and allowing them to marinate with his own. He was known for being a bit of a wallflower but people still liked him because when he did speak up, his thoughts were well constructed and concise.

 

The conversation was getting heated over which local bands should be allowed to play at what times during the next punk fest when a crop of golden blonde hair catches Sasuke’s eye. He looks over and notices the infamous Naruto, pedaling up on a bike accompanied by a green-haired girl Sasuke had never seen before. They stop together at the bike rack and put locks on their rides, the girl goes into the store but Naruto walks over to someone Sasuke only knew by association and gives him a massive bear hug. They chat, loudly, for only a minute then Naruto is moving on. It seems like he knows almost everyone on some level, bumping shoulders with some, giving bear hugs to another, hooting and hollering to random people. He bums a cigarette off someone and promises to come back to talk to them before stopping in front of Aoba, who pauses in the middle of his rant to stand up and give Naruto dabs then pulls him into a hug, both the men pounding each other hard on the back.

 

Sasuke ponders for a moment, how has he never meet Naruto before?

 

“Bro-sef!” Aoba exclaims, completely dropping the topic to catch up with Naruto. “You’re back! How was it? Where did you end up?”

 

“Man, you got a light?” Naruto asks. Someone produces a lighter and his bummed cigarette is suddenly glowing a dark red at the tip as he deeply inhales. “It was dope. We stayed in Nola for a minute then made our way up north. Detroit was sick. Tons of fucking mental shows. New Yorkers are just a bunch of yankee yuppies.” He spits on the ground to emphasize his distaste for yups.

 

“Fuck me.” Aoba said, shaking his hand. “If only I didn’t have to work I would of gone with ya’!”

 

Aoba’s girlfriend, Sasuke can’t remember her name, scoffs under her breath and says “Like hell you would of.”

 

Naruto gives a barking laugh, throwing his head back before spitting out, “Fuck work! Capitalist bullshit the swine feeds you, telling you ya’ need it to live. That’s not living, that’s slavery.”

 

Aoba is shaking his head but before he can respond the female Naruto had arrived with comes out with two beers and hands one to Naruto before wrapping her arms around his waist. He thanks her but pays her little attention as he tells Aoba about the knocking out a dude that looked like the lead singer to ‘that one lame pop band’ and the way he describes the fight, mocking the dude’s voice and making him sound like a complete douche, then miming knocking the guy out with a harsh left hook has the whole crowd laughing.

 

Sasuke observes his mannerisms, the nonchalant way Naruto has his arm slung around the girl’s shoulders, the beer loosely clasped in long, thin, tattooed fingers, the way his straight-legged black pants were dirty at the hem and hung low on slim hips, the too-long belt threaded through multiple hoops to keep it out of the way, and boxer briefs peaking up over the waistline. Naruto wore scuffed up low profile sneakers, a forest green hoodie with a blue jean vest on top, decorated with various homemade patches and DIY studs, the whole ensemble revealing a little peak of skin between the hem of his sweater and the top of his box briefs that held Sasuke’s attention for a little too long. His hair is even longer than it had been the last time Sasuke had seen him, his dirty-blonde beard, full and grown out, almost touched his chest.

 

At some point during the loud conversation the man that Naruto had approached first, Sasuke thought his name might be Kiba, ran up behind Naruto giving him a quick slap on the cheek while cackling like a mad man, then jumped the low retaining walk to run off.

 

Naruto yelled out, “You fucker!”, before chugging the remainder of his beer, tossing it aside, and running after the other man. Sasuke watched the two play a twisted game of Slaps, darting across the busy street in front of on-coming traffic, dropping f-bombs, flipping off drivers, and slapping the ever living shit out of each other. Sasuke found himself openly laughing along with the a few others who were taking bets on who would get hit by a car first.

 

 

\----

 

 

Sasuke is ready to raze the whole city to the ground the day he hits a pothole a little too hard and pops a tire. He had already woken up late for class and couldn’t take a shower like he had wanted to, burnt his tongue on his coffee then spilled a little in his lap when he jumped in his car, rushing to try to catch at least the tail end of the class, when he struck the fucking pothole—the same one he _knew_ was there and _knew_ to avoid, popping the front passenger side tire.

 

He slams his door as hard as he could after pulling over to the side of the road. His trunk is already popped and he starts to pull out the cover of the bed to get to the spare tire below, all the while cursing everything he could think to curse. Like his neighbor that threw a party until 5am that morning, and the fucking “urban farmers” who owned a rooster two roads over that starts its annoying fucking crowing at 6am when the sun starts to come up. Oh, and fuck the sun too for coming up in the first place. It wasn’t even summer yet, if the calendar could be trusted, and his balls were already sweaty.

 

He throws the spare next to the side of his car, finds the indent to line the jack up to and starts twisting the apparatus violently, not nearly in the mood to be handling any of this shit today with anything less than mildly controlled viciousness.

 

“Hey, do you need some help?” He hears someone say behind him.

 

“Does it lo—” Sasuke swings his head around, already starting with a smartass remark, when he sees who asked him the question and immediately shuts up.

 

Naruto is standing above him, blocking the sun from blinding Sasuke. In the sharp shadow created by the brilliant light behind him, Sasuke can tell that Naruto has recently shaved his head. The full beard is gone leaving an angular face, the full smile once again completely visible. Naruto is wearing another pair of cut-offs, they are black and a bit of fringe is hanging from the severed edges. He is shirtless with only the ratty blue jean vest left open to show the world a very thin, mostly hairless chest.

 

“Oh hey! I recognize you.” Naruto exclaims while he crouches down. “I’ve seen you around a bit. I’m Naruto! Nice to meet 'cha.”

 

His grin is wide and inviting, his voice sounded sincere. He held out his hand and Sasuke noticed his dirty fingernails, before he takes Naruto’s hand in his and shakes it.

 

“Yeah, I remember seeing you around. I’m Sasuke.”

 

“Word.” Naruto nodded, then pointed to the tire. “So…you want some help?”

 

He knew how to change a tire but… “Sure, why not.”

 

Naruto grabbed the crank and Sasuke started working on loosening the lug nuts when the pressure of the car was released off the tire. They made short work of putting on the donut, then placed Sasuke’s tools back in the trunk along with the popped tire.

 

As Sasuke closed the trunk, Naruto wiped his dirty hands on his shorts then started stepping away. “Alright, we—“

 

Sasuke cut him off, surprising himself as the words rolled out of his mouth. “Where are you heading?”

 

Naruto looks a little shock, looked behind himself then back at Sasuke. He licked his lips, shrugging as he made a motion down the road. “Walking to ahh…a friend’s house.”

 

Sasuke squinted his eyes, catching the hesitation but didn’t exactly know what for.

 

“Don’t you have a bike?” He asked.

 

“Oh, that?” Naruto shrugged again, his hand going to the back of his head, rubbing the short stubs of hair. “Nah, that was Kagero’s spare. I don’t own a bike.”

 

“Oh.” Sasuke supplied, dumbly. He looks at the time on his phone. He had completely missed his class now.

 

“Yeah.” Naruto gave a laugh. “She is pissed as fuck at me right now so…” He waves off the comment then starts walking backwards. “It was nice t—“

 

“You want a ride?” Sasuke asked, not really understanding why he was having a hard time letting Naruto walk away. Something felt wrong though, like if he didn’t take this chance then he wouldn’t have another. Like, letting him walk away would meant that he had used Naruto without repaying the favor. He had an inkling that maybe Naruto was used often since he appeared to put people ahead of himself.

 

“Oh, ah..” Naruto does the shifty eyes motion again, looking back over his shoulder then to Sasuke. “It’s only a few more blocks down, I can walk.”

 

Sasuke sucks air through his back teeth and start heading to the driver side. “Get in the car, loser.”

 

Naruto laughs a little at the insult but moves to open the passenger side regardless. “All right, fuck.”

 

Naruto tells him where he is heading and Sasuke starts the car. He passes his phone over the Naruto and tells him, “Play what you want.”

 

Naruto takes a minute to scroll through the music on Sasuke’s phone, then starts bouncing up and down in the seat, excitedly hitting Sasuke in the shoulder, earning a death glare. “Oh shit! Oh shit! I haven’t heard this shit in forever.”

 

He puts on an album, and Sasuke feels a sense of melancholy overcome him. He didn’t realize he still had this album on his phone. He used to listen to this all the time.

 

Naruto rolls down the window and starts belting the offensive lyrics to pedestrians as they pass, alternating from shaking his fist, flipping the bird, and thrusting devil horns into the air. He is singing all the words with the largest smile on his face, and Sasuke finds he has a hard time holding onto any ill will towards this wrecking ball of a human being.

 

“Holy shit.” Naruto says over the song. “You don’t understand how much this album means to me. We used to play it all the time before I left home.”

 

“You aren’t from here?” Sasuke prompts, sparing a quick glace before looking back to the road. Naruto has his face in the phone, looking through the different artists. Sasuke figured he had to of been some degree of a local, with all the people he appeared to know.

 

“Nah.” Naruto says, almost too low to be heard over the heavy rifts. “I’m from the coast. But I haven’t been there in a while.”

 

“Oh, word.” Sasuke responses, nodding his head a little.

 

“Are you from here?” Naruto flippantly asks.

 

“Uh, I mean yes and no. I grew up about 10 miles out of the city. I moved to the area when I was 18. I’ve been here since.”

 

“Ahh…” Naruto said.

 

The next track starts and Sasuke’s lip twitched a little as a smile attempted to pull up the ends. He looks over to Naruto and catches his eyes. It appears Naruto had been looking at him.

 

“This is one of my favorite songs.” Sasuke tells him, turning up the volume a little.

 

They listen in silence and Sasuke allows himself to think about a time that he feels completely removed from. He remembered playing this song on repeat the year the album came out. The words had spoken to him on a different level back then. The breakdown used to create this swirling pit that was fueled by his anger. When the song ends only a minute and a half later Naruto says, “Yeah, that’s easily one of the best ones on the record.”

 

There is a lull in the conversation and Sasuke pulls onto a residential road that he was familiar with. Halfway down the road Naruto says, “This is it.”

 

He is pointing to a dirty mill home. It has trash all over the porch, bike parts laying on the ground, and a fucked up couch sitting in the gravel drive way. There are bars on the windows and one has a shattered pane. Sasuke pulls up to the curb and Naruto climbs out.

 

“Thanks for the ride! Catch ya’ later!” He waves, then slams the door. Sasuke watches as his opens the front door without knocking and disappears inside.

 

Sasuke lets out a deep breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is lackluster but key things are happening here so pay attention!
> 
> Also, in your opinion, what is the album/Sasuke's favorite song? I didn't want to specify because I wanted to leave it to reader's choice but I know what I think it is :)


	3. Gale Storm

When Sasuke and his friends approach the baseball diamond in the community park littered with adults wearing a wide variety of animal prints, blue jean material, and black clothes, the first thing he notices is a group of three men shotgunning Twisted Tea, and certain blonde wrecking ball in the center of the disorderly misfits.

 

Sasuke tended to avoid Sunday Kickball games with the extended crew, but TenTen had complained that he never left his house anymore other than to “work and get drunk” and although he didn’t see what the problem with that was, he also was slightly afraid of the aggressive older punk-rocker turned paralegal. She knew _things._

 

They were accompanied by TenTen’s long-time boyfriend, and Sasuke’s long-time close friend, Neji. Both TenTen and Neji were a few years older than him, but he had meet them early in the scene and had stayed close friends with them since. The two had always been inseparable and back in the day all three were known to get a little too rowdy together. For a period TenTen had turned into a traveler and she had been away for almost three years before Neji got tired of her shit, she got tired of her shit, and they both settled down. It probably hadn’t helped that it took TenTen leaving Neji for him to get his own shit together and then for the longest time she refused to believe he had his shit together, so there was a lot of useless back and forth between the two before they admitted to themselves what they had together was way more than just casual interest.

 

He liked the two together honestly, they were a good balance.

 

He had finally graduated college not a month before, telling the school to kindly mail him his degree and marking school off on the Checklist of Accomplishments. Since then his responsibilities at work had doubled, they had promoted him from a Shift Leader to the Assistant Front of House Manager and if in the past he didn’t always get a full forty hours a week, they were definitely making up for that now. Frankly, he had little energy left after work other than to drink.

 

When his brother had offered him a position in his department at the yuppie-run business he worked for, Sasuke had firmly turned him down. He was quite comfortable in his circumstances, thanks.

 

Naruto noticed him as they neared, shouting “Sasuke!” a bit too loud for Sasuke not to be embarrassed for the uncontrollable man. He waved him over, “Come shotgun a TT ya’ bastard!”

 

‘Aww!” TenTen cooed, mockingly. “Looks like Sasuke made a new friend he hasn’t told us about.”

 

Sasuke harrumphs but leaves the other two to walk up to the obviously drunk doofus calling his name. An arm is swung over his shoulder and he is jerked a little bit as Naruto pulls him in close, immediately ignoring any social cues that might tell one they shouldn’t be in another’s bubble. A Twisted Tea with a hole already punctured in the bottom side of it is thrust into his hands. “Drink up, buttercup!”

 

Sasuke looks him in the eyes for a minute, that droopy drunk face with the stupid drunk smile egged him on. He smirked, accepted the challenge, and popped the top of the can. Malt beverage sprayed over his hands and his clothes as he quickly put his lips to the hole, straightening the can to allow gravity to help force the icy liquid down his throat. He honestly had never drunk a Twisted Tea in his life and it tasted more like an Arnold Palmer than he would have preferred, but it went down smoothly and with little effort on his part. He can hear the chanting and the cheering as he finishes the 16-ounce can in only a few seconds flat.

 

He tossed the empty can on the ground next to the impressive pile of already empty cans, wiping the foam off his chin and burping a little. Naruto’s arm is still around his shoulder, laughing drunkenly, and Sasuke hears a camera go off as a picture is snapped.

 

Naruto convinces Sasuke to play on the opposing team and a drunken game of kickball commences. Everyone is yelling lewd comments to each other, people sliding into bases holding beers in their hands as high as they can to keep the red dirt out of their piss-tasting beer. There is a group of people cheering from the sidelines, Sasuke spots TenTen surrounded by a bunch of girls laughing and passing a flask around, and every time Sasuke makes it to third base Naruto is there to shove at him, even when he makes it safely. Sasuke pays him back in spades from the outfield as he pelts the man on more than one occasion with the large red ball.

 

Sasuke’s team losses by 1 point in an all-or-nothing tie-breaker, and the whole losing team has to chug a beer. He figures things could be worse.

 

He opts out of the next game and takes a seat next to Neji, who was sitting on the outer edge of the spectator group.

 

“That’s the most active I’ve seen you in a while.” Neji observes as he passes Sasuke a beer from the 24 pack they had brought with them. Sasuke sucks air through his teeth but doesn’t respond.

 

They watch the new game start with Naruto’s team lining up to take their turn kicking, chanting “Praise Dale! Raise hell!”

 

When Naruto gets up to kick, he fists his hands into devil horns, licks the top of the two straight fingers, and slides them over his brow before pointing them at the pitcher, his face contorted into a menacing scowl. The pitch is perfect with only a few small bounces at the beginning. Naruto kicks it with all his might and it goes sailing far into the outfield. If Sasuke had been out there he would have caught that one, but the female that had taken his spot misjudged the distance and had to run to go catch it, allowing Naruto to get all the way home before the ball was recovered.

 

“You’re smiling.” Neji says, hiding his own smile with the lip of his beer but raising his eyebrow all the same.

 

“Fuck off.” Sasuke schools his face. He had been smiling and he hadn’t even caught it. Fuck.

 

“You know I don’t care that you love to shove your cock up other men’s assholes.” Neji teases. “Who am I to judge?”

 

Sasuke pointedly makes every attempt to ignore Neji because Neji loves to press his buttons when he has been drinking. “Did I ever tell you about the time Ten—”

 

Sasuke holds up his hand the other man, interrupting his line of thought. “The last thing I want to hear about is your boring hetero sex life.”

 

Neji laughs in the manner that he only does when he has been drinking. TenTen’s nose must have started to itch, or she heard her name in the conversation, because she is suddenly walking over to them, stepping over seated people as she makes her way through the crowd, only to plop down unceremoniously into Neji’s lap. “Are you talking about me?”

 

She is pouting, giving Neji sultry eyes, and Sasuke looks away from the intimate scene but not before seeing Neji’s hands grasp her little waist that was hidden under her tee-shirt.

 

“I was telling Sasuke about the time you…” Neji’s voice drops very low and Sasuke can tell he whispered the rest into her ear. A loud gasp is heard from her and a pop sound is made when she covered his open mouth with the palm of her hands.

 

“Neji! Don’t share that! That’s private!” She scolds him. Sasuke is going to be sick if he has to listen to any more of their teasing. He stands up and starts moving away, trying to seem the least amount of awkward he could but also having no destination in mind.

 

The game has ended again and Sasuke watches as Naruto’s team chugs the beer this time, not feeling envious in the least because it was warm outside, and they’ve probably been out here for couple of hours and everyone’s beer must be long since cold.

 

Sasuke leans up against the chain link fence surrounding the diamond and observes the drunk idiots in their natural habitats. Someone is attempting to get enough volunteers for another round and a few people have started to pick up their belongings to leave. A group has detached themselves and are taking turns riding the tall bike someone built around on the nearby field. Sasuke watches as Naruto plops down next to the green-haired girl he hadn’t seen before but remembered from the patio, petting a white pitbull that was held on a leash. He lights up a cigarette, letting it hang loosely from his mouth as he gives the dog a thorough belly rub.

 

Someone hands Naruto a sharpie and before Sasuke realizes what he is doing, the dog has two very large eyebrows drawn on its face, making it look stupid sweet and pouty. The whole group is laughing hard and snapping pictures, the dog loving the attention it was getting and showering Naruto’s face with kisses. Sasuke doesn’t think he has even seen something so cute and stupid at the same time and he looks away to keep the laughter from rising in his gut.

 

“Sasuke! Come here!” He sighs loudly. The higher ups just want to punish him, don’t they? Can’t they give him a break? He has been behaving himself so well, trying to do the right thing. He had quit smoking cigs and pot. He didn’t get into fist fights anymore. He only cussed his brother out when Itachi deserved it. He had even allowed his restraining order on his stalker to expire in the last two years after she had gotten pregnant with someone else’s kid and stopped randomly being seen down the street from his work. Where had he gone wrong?

 

“Bastard! Get over here!” Naruto hollers again. He pushes away from the fence and empties the rest of his beer as he walks over to the group.

 

“Look at this!” Naruto is pointing and laughing with his arms around the dog’s neck. “Isn’t that fucking cute as fuck?”

 

Sasuke makes a noncommittal sound and shrugs. Naruto laughs harder. “Fuck! Just admit it, I can tell you want to!”

 

 

\----

 

 

Sasuke is stumbling into his front door, blitzed, when his phone goes berserk signaling he has a notification. He slams his front door and kicks off his shoes while struggling to get his phone out of his pocket. Shit, he hasn’t been this drunk in a while. After Kickball they had moved to the bar and had proceeded to drink beer after beer. They drank until the bartender turned on the lights, turned off the music, and told everyone to go the fuck home. Neji and TenTen had left long before then and everyone who offered Sasuke a ride was told to ‘fuck off.’ He vaguely remembered Naruto taking his phone from him which lead to a miniature wrestling match out on the concrete which was probably why his elbows were rubbed raw and he had little streams of blood crusting on his forearms.

 

He wasn’t exactly clear on the details.

 

It takes a few moments of moving the phone closer then farther away from his face before the screen focused. Or his eyes focused. Whatever.

 

Naruto: Aye, bsturd, lmk wen u git home

 

Sasuke: ffffffd yu.

 

Sasuke threw his phone across the room, laid down on his couch, and fell asleep.

 

Naruto: u wan dis bodieeee

 

Naruto: hahaha

 

When Sasuke wakes up the next morning, after drinking a shit ton of water and taking three ibuprofens, he finally finds his phone under the TV stand where it slid the night before. He looks at the messages, clear in the level of inebriation of the two parties and ponders if he should even reply. He decides not to, and goes on with his day. What could he say to that that wouldn’t possibly incriminate him? It wasn’t a secret he was homosexual, but he didn’t like sticking his nose in heterosexual relationships, thank you very much, and Kagero had made it clear that she had claim on Naruto, hanging all over him and shit.

 

Two days later Naruto sends him a picture. In the frame, Naruto is leaning heavily on Sasuke’s shoulder, face and body turned inwards, head slightly down with clear elation on his face. Sasuke is slightly hunched with a beer can held in one hand while the other was wiping at his face. Someone Sasuke didn’t recognized had leaned into the shot and was flipping the bird behind the two. He saved the photo.

 

Sasuke: Nice.

 

Naruto responded by sending him a picture of the white pitbull with the eyebrows drawn on.

 

Sasuke: Does your girlfriend like when you send her nudes to your friends?

 

Naruto: oi hahaha fuck you

 

Naruto: She loves it. lmk if you need some material for those lonely nights

 

Sasuke responded with a barf emoji.

 

Later that evening Naruto sends him a picture of a very round ass that was very much female. Sasuke doesn’t see it until many hours later as he is leaving work.

 

Sasuke: If you are going to send me this shit, at least make it worth my time.

 

Surprisingly, even though its almost 4 in the morning, Naruto responds quickly.

 

Naruto: fck me. I thot they wer lieing wen they said u wus gay.

 

Sasuke doesn’t answer, but he does go to bed feeling a little heated.

 

It’s another few days until Sasuke gets a notification from Naruto. This time it’s a picture of a clearly blacked out Naruto wearing a woman’s dress and flashing the camera his butt, the string of a thong showing between his pasty white ass cheeks.

 

Sasuke: So the truth is out.

 

Naruto: lol! You and just about everyone else.

 

Sasuke: Yeah, I would say you would be surprised who has tried but from the looks of it, you already know.

 

Naruto: whatever swings my way

 

Naruto: N E thing with a shapely ass, that is.

 

Naruto sends a row winks to Sasuke, he responds by going into the internet and finding a bunch of pictures of dog’s buttholes and sending them to the pervert.

 

Naruto: Yes! How did you know?!

 

Naruto: Me likey long time

 

Sasuke: I saw the way you made out with that dog at kickball.

 

Sasuke: Also, Asians never say that.

 

Naruto: Oh? Then what do Asians say??

 

Sasuke smiled inwardly.

 

The messaging continued and progressively got increasingly frequent as well as increasingly more suggestive. In the following weeks it became obvious to Sasuke that Naruto was flirting, especially when he shoots insults. Sasuke served him back and found himself looking forward to the banter between the two. He even faked sincere concern when Naruto told him that he was done with Kagero’s ‘crazy ass’ but only long enough to make sure that Naruto had a place to stay.

 

Talking so much to Naruto had made a few things clear; he was a couch bum, he drank too much, and he refused to get a job, but he always helped his friends out, was always doing small favors for people he considered his friends, refused to take handouts unless they were forced on him, and was genuinely a nice person who avoided talking about himself at all costs.

 

Every time Sasuke got close to understanding one of the roots of Naruto’s madness, Naruto pulled away and changed the subject; told a different story about someone he met while in a different town, or he’d send him a funny picture, or he’d send him some music that Sasuke just had to listen to, and Sasuke would let the topic change.

 

Naruto was a dangerous thunderstorm, and Sasuke was quickly being sucked into Naruto’s storm gale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing feels like yelling into a void.
> 
> Tell me your thoughts.


	4. Porcupine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a 158% on my French 201 quiz so to celebrate I decided to release this chapter a few hours early. Enjoy!

“Whatever is on your phone must be really interesting.” Neji said, placing the final dish in the middle of the table and taking a seat. Sasuke pockets his phone without finishing the message.

 

“It’s nothing.” He says, and starts serving himself.

 

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” TenTen chimes in, bringing three glasses full of water to the table and taking a seat as well. TenTen, being the mother hen she had turned into since she was domesticated, looks him square in the face, lacing her fingers under her chin. “So. When are you going to properly introduce us to your new man.”

 

Sasuke glares at her and considers not answering her at all, until Neji’s foot connects with his shin under the table. “You’re not fooling anyone, dickhead. Spill.”

 

Sasuke curls his lip at Neji in mild disgust and takes a slow sip of water, enjoying the ability to make them wait for his response. He wanted them to know that he wasn’t sharing willingly. They were going to have the pry it out.

 

“I don’t have a new man, so there is no one that you need to be introduced to.”

 

Neji makes a sound of disbelief while TenTen rolls her eyes so hard Sasuke thinks she might wind up and take flight.

 

“Don’t test me Sasuke.” TenTen warns him. “If there is something I am good at, its sticking my nose in people’s business. I make people’s business my business for a living. And you want to know something about this area?” She shoves a bite of food in her mouth, allowing her words to sink in as she chews.

 

She points her knife at him for emphasis. “People. Talk.” 

 

Sasuke looks around the room, pointedly. He looks under his chair, he checks his pockets, he turns and looks behind himself. “I’m sorry.” He says, continuing his search. “I’m just looking for the moment when you two became my parents.”

 

Neji shrugs, and the couple share a glance. “Okay. Well then let me tell you what we know about your new man.”

 

Sasuke puts down his utensils and stares at the two, allowing the disbelief to show on his face. “Are you two serious right now? Is this the purpose of inviting me over?”

 

“Yes.” The two said at the same time.

 

“We are worried about who you have decided to show interest in. Do you know anything about him?” Neji continued, setting down his utensils as well and sitting up a little straighter.

 

“Like you two have any place to judge.” Sasuke snaps back. He starts to get up because _like hell_ would he sit through this conversation, when TenTen holds up her hand to him, motioning for him to sit back down.

 

“Sit down, please?” She asks. “Look, we aren’t trying to tell you to not do something, we just want to be sure you aren’t having the wool pulled over your eyes.”

 

“I haven’t done anything, and he hasn’t asked for anything, so I don’t understand where this is coming from.” He shoots back, but remains seated nonetheless. He crosses his arms over his chest and prepares his defense.

 

“We just don’t want you to get hurt. You aren’t exactly the most open person—”

 

“You’re a fucking porcupine.”

 

TenTen glares at Neji, but continues. “—And it makes us so happy to see you smiling and showing interest in something other than work, but…” She trails off, and looks to Neji for help.

 

“We don’t want you getting caught up with an addict.” Neji said, bluntly. Sasuke lets out a bitter, barking, laugh.

 

“You two are fucking rich, you know that.” He points to TenTen. “Do I need to remind you what you were doing those three years you traveled? You don’t think everyone doesn’t know?”

 

TenTen has the audacity to turn red. Sasuke turns to Neji. “And you. Have you told her what _you_ were doing while you two were ignoring your feelings?”

 

He stands up, ignoring the pained looks on his friend’s faces. If they wanted a confrontation, he’d give them a fucking confrontation. “For fuck sakes, who the fuck are we to judge someone based on their problems? Naruto has never asked me for money, has never stolen from me, and has never dragged me into unsafe situations. We fucking message each other on the internet! You two should know better than anyone that if a person is an addict, and _if_ Naruto is an addict it’s sure as fuck is not any of our business, that being around people who are not addicts is fucking healthy. I’ve never struggled with a drug problem, _unlike you two,_ so please. Fuck. Off.”

 

 

\----

 

 

He pulls up to a house that has a few cars parked outside with a small group sitting on the porch, and figures this is the place. Naruto had asked him to come party earlier that day, and since Sasuke was on his day off he figured why not. He hadn’t seen Naruto since kickball and he was feeling particularly subordinate since the conversation with TenTen and Neji a few days prior, so he chose to be social.

 

He approaches the stoop and recognizes a few locals, chatting while sipping on beers and smoking cigarettes. He asks to no one specific, “Is Naruto here?”

 

A girl in a crop top with long blonde hair motions inside. “He was in the kitchen with Shika last time I saw him.”

 

He walks through the front door not bothering to thank the girl, and is immediately smacked in the face with the smell of pot, smoke, and loud music. A quick glance around the room tells him where the kitchen is, and he walks towards the tiny galley style space, characteristic of 1920s mill homes. Inside the space, Naruto stands between Kiba and Shikamaru. Sasuke knew both the men in passing as they had all hung around the same group growing up. Sasuke wasn’t positive, but he believed that they were all roughly the same age. Kiba, from experience, knew Naruto well, and based on the way that Naruto had talked about Shikamaru during their messages, the three were all chummy with each other.

 

“Sasu!” Naruto shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. “Come take a shot, bastard!”

 

Sasuke inwardly smiled at the nickname, and approaches the group. “What are you drinking on?”

 

“Whiskey, motherfucker!” Kiba shouted, holding up a bottle of Old Crow.

 

Kiba poured out four shots, while Shikamaru poured pickle juice into another four. A shot of each is placed in front of him. Everyone holds up their shots, says ‘cheers!’, clinks the glass on the counter top, then shots the fiery liquid back. He chases the whiskey with the shot of pickle juice and places his empty glasses back down.

 

“Fuck yeah.” He hears one of the men say.

 

“Another!” Kiba hollers, and starts filling up the glasses.

 

“Ya’ll are drinking all my whiskey, freeloaders.” Shikamaru says, but everyone can tell he really doesn’t care. They drink another round, then Shikamaru leaves to go smoke a cigarette.

 

A game of slaps breaks out between Kiba and Naruto, their cheeks both turning an angry red color as they try to hit each other harder than another. They start running away from each other, pushing chairs in each other’s path and Naruto keeps trying to hide behind Sasuke.

 

“Oh, no. I’m not in this.” Sasuke says, and bodily moves Naruto around from behind him. Kiba gets a really good slap in.

 

“Cheater!” Naruto hollers, and tackles the boy on the ground. Kiba is laughing so he is crying, but he still manages to get another slap in while Naruto is attempting to pin his arms down. Kiba bucks to try to get him off but Naruto leans all his weight forward, efficiently trapping the other below him. “Say uncle!”

 

Kiba can hardly speak between his choking laughter. “Fu---Fuck-ha-ha—fuck you!”

 

“Say uncle!” Naruto warns him again, inhales deeply, and collects a loogie in his mouth. “I’ll do it.”

 

“No!” Kiba starts thrashing as much as his could. “Fuck no! Uncle! Uncle!”

 

Naruto gets off the other man, flashing Sasuke a shit eating grin. “I always win.”

 

“Like hell you do, fucker! I’ll get you back.” Kiba says from his position on the floor, suddenly not laughing at all, but still trying to catch his breath.

 

Sasuke finds himself following Naruto outside as Naruto searches for a nicotine fix and ends up in a conversation with Shikamaru about food preparation strategies, shelf life, and wait staff management. Sasuke finds out that Shikamaru owes his own restaurant and picks his brain, mentally comparing Shikamaru’s methods to the ones he is currently using. He finds himself really engaged in the conversation and barely registers Naruto disappearing, then reappearing with blood shot eyes.

 

Shikamaru offers him a cigarette and which he accepts. He hadn’t smoked in forever, but it was nice to have one while he was drinking every so often. Naruto approaches them and hands Sasuke a beer.

 

He slings his arm over Sasuke’s shoulder and gets really close in. “You wanna make a bet?”

 

Sasuke looks to him, then to Shikamaru who shrugs. “Sure, why not.”

 

“I bet, I could chug this beer faster than you.” He says.

 

“I have no doubt about that.” Sasuke answers, not even wanting to attempt that one. He didn’t really like drinking too fast and he could feel the effects of drinking those shots so quickly in succession.

 

“Aw, you’re no fun!”

 

“How about this.” Sasuke prompts. “How about, I bet ten dollars that you can’t chug that beer in five seconds.”

 

Naruto cracks his smile into his shit eating grin, so large that his eyes look like they are threatening to close. “Deal.”

 

Sasuke pulls out his phone, quickly navigating to the stopwatch. “Ready when you are.”

 

Naruto pulls a pocket knife out and punctures the lower side of the can, keeping it on its side. “Ready!”

 

“And….go.” Sasuke hits the button and the timer starts as Naruto immediately pops the tab and starts taking massive gulps. Sasuke is reminded of that the time not too long ago, back before he had ever meet Naruto, when he had seen him at the show shotgunning a beer outside. He watches Naruto’s throat work, watches his adam’s apple bob, and he is transfixed.

 

He barely has the time to soak in the image when Naruto removes his lips from the can, flipping the can upside down to prove it is empty and Sasuke has to hits the ‘stop’ button.

 

The timer reads 3 seconds.

 

Thoroughly impressed, Sasuke pulls the ten out of his wallet and hands it to Naruto, who is doing a victory dance and running around showing everyone what he accomplished.

 

Shikamaru makes a sound that pulls Sasuke’s attention back to him. He is shaking his head, but he is smiling. “That dude is wild.”

 

Sasuke can only nod in agreement.

 

Sasuke stays at Shikamaru house until close to 3am when everyone starts to leave. Naruto asks for a ride to a friend’s place and Sasuke agrees. As they climb into the car, Naruto attempts to hand him the ten dollars back.

 

“Here, gas money. This is the second time you’ve taken my ass somewhere.”

 

Sasuke refuses to take the money. “You earned that. I don’t want it back.”

 

Naruto looks at the ten dollars then back up to Sasuke, a look of discontent clear on his face. Sasuke ignores him, and starts the car.

 

“Let’s get some food.” Sasuke says, breaking the tense silence in the car.

 

Naruto looks up from staring at the money in his hand, then agrees. Sasuke drives them to one of the very few fast-food restaurants in the area and pulls up to the drive thru. They order, and when it comes time to pay, Naruto leans over him, effectively trapping Sasuke between his seat and Naruto’s boney body, and hands the ten dollars to the person in the window.

 

“What the fuck Naruto?”

 

He smiles big at him, and says, “My treat.”

 

Sasuke rolls his eyes and sucks air through the back of his teeth. He should have known better. This kid really couldn’t accept any help, could he?

 

He pulls into a spot in the parking lot and they eat their meal, chatting about music and which shows they wanted to attend that were coming up. When they finish, Naruto tells him the road the house is on and Sasuke takes him there. It’s a different place then the house before. This one was a duplex, its front porch lit and bare except for one lone lawn chair on the stoop.

 

“This is it.” Naruto says, looks over to him. Sasuke pulled into the drive way leaving the car in idle. He expected Naruto to quickly hop out as he had done before, but he really shouldn’t think that Naruto will ever do what Sasuke thinks he will to do.

 

Sasuke looks over to see what is keep Naruto from getting out, when a hand fists the collar of his shirt and he is pulled into a bruising kiss. He pushes Naruto away immediately.

 

“Are you doing that because you want to or because you think I expect it?” Sasuke asks, not able to school the confusion on his face. He tries to keep himself from jumping to conclusions, but he can already feel the anger rising in his gut. He wasn’t a toy for straight boys to jerk around.

 

Naruto goes from shocked then angry in milliseconds. “That’s what you think this is?”

 

Sasuke opens his mouth to respond but can’t get anything out. Naruto opens his door, gets out of the passenger side like a bat out of hell, and slams the door as hard as he could, causing the window pane to rattle. He aggressively flips Sasuke off as he crosses in front of the car and stomps up the porch steps, wrenching the door open so loud Sasuke can hear the door hit against the siding of the house and watches as the door whips back around to close itself. The last image Sasuke sees is a look of unadulterated rage barely contained in it’s vessel.

 

Sasuke buries his face in his hands, pushing his palms against his mouth to keep him from screaming aloud.

 

What the fuck was that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, Sasuke has only had friendly-Naruto experiences, what do you think will happen now that he has poked the beast?
> 
> Also, I like to assume that Neji has already had his come-to-jesus moment by this stage in his life which is why I personify him as well adjusted. Maybe I will write the Neji/TenTen story...


	5. Intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm officially stating a trigger warning for the next few chapters.
> 
> We will begin to heavily discuss drug use. While I do not believe that weed is a drug, there will be scenes with more destructive substances. I apologize if this topic is hard for you or if you have strong feelings in regards to drug use. If you've read my ficlet "to Endure" you would know that I write to get my feelings out and this fic has been inspired by a great person I lost in August. In order to stay true to him, I need to stay true to his story, so there is no way to gloss over the heroin epidemic that is wiping out a large portion of young adults. My friend worked hard and was successful in quitting but life still has a way of taking those people from us. It is also important to clearly state that this is not a self-insertion fic, and Sasuke's thoughts and feelings of the situation are not my own. If you would like to discuss these things with me, please feel free to comment or to message me. My tumblr information is in my Bio.
> 
> That being said, the next few chapters are a very rough ride and I am producing them slower than I thought I would. I will be increasing the release of these chapters from every 2 days to every 4 days to allow myself more time to think and process.

He is mad enough at himself that for the first week, the silence is intentional. He allows himself to brew in the mess he created, beating himself up eternally for being such a tool. Of course, he didn’t tell anyone why he was in a foul mood, he didn’t even realize he was acting any different. Why would he be treating anyone differently? Everything was fine. He hadn’t assumed anything. It was all okay.

 

The second week the silence is unbearably loud. It wouldn’t have been an issue at all if the silence had just been directly towards him, but no. Naruto was completely radio silent. Naruto did not reply to comments on his social media page, which wasn’t too outlandish seeing how the boy didn’t have his own phone and could only get on using someone's device, but he was normally semi-regular. Naruto hadn’t gone to kickball in the last two weeks either, not that Sasuke went to kickball, but if he happened to walk by the field while stretching his legs he may have glanced to see if he could spot the blonde-haired bomb…not that he was looking or anything. And Naruto definitely had not been seen hanging out on the patio at the local deli/bar/concession cluster-fuck of a store, not that Sasuke had been there any more frequently than he normally went there.

 

Nope, Sasuke wasn’t looking for Naruto at all. He wasn’t hoping to accidentally run into him, he wasn’t hoping that he had blown this whole thing out of proportion or that the next time he saw Naruto he would be greeted with the shit-eating grin, talk some smack, and move on like nothing had ever happened. He wasn’t thinking about it all, thank you very much.

 

It wasn’t until he had broken the 6th cup in a night and his boss told him to leave before he was forced to buy a whole new set of bar glasses, that Sasuke thought that maybe he should try to find out what happened to Naruto because this whole not-thinking-about-Naruto-at-all wasn’t working. At. All.

 

It was before midnight, so Sasuke, still not quite admitting to himself that he was looking for Naruto, left his work and walked the block and a half down to the patio. He bought himself a beer at the tiny bar they had situated in the back of the building and sat down on the stool, staring daggers at the taps lining the wall.

 

What was it about Naruto that had him all messed up? Sasuke couldn’t figure it out. His whole life he had no problem keeping people at arm’s length away from him. He had always been that way and his parent’s death just made that more so. He didn’t need attention, he didn’t need affection, he didn’t need anything from anyone. He was completely capable of taking care of himself and certainly didn’t feel _lonely_ without a partner. So yes, maybe he had been angry and frustrated as a youth. Maybe he had taken those feelings out on everyone around him. Maybe he had been told that repressing his feelings was not healthy. But he could at least say no one had ever gotten the better of him. He had never been used by anyone. He certainly had never had his heart broken by anyone. He had never lead anyone on to believe that they would have any type of special relationship with him.

 

So…why…? Why does he have second thoughts regarding someone who literally has done nothing around him but drink heavily, fight, and participate in reckless activities? Why does he want to share funny pictures with Naruto? Why does he think about Naruto when he listens to music? Why does he want to run into him in public, just to get a catch to see him? Why does he worry about Naruto getting enough to eat, or having a comfortable place to sleep, or not getting picked up by the police?

 

Why does he want to ask Naruto about his home life? Why does he care if he is being taken care of or not? Why does it bother him to think about Naruto being in some other person’s arms? Being comforted by someone else? Sharing ideas, thoughts, feelings with someone else? Why the fuck did it matter to Sasuke what Naruto was doing?

 

Sasuke, in a deeply curbed part of his mind, knew the answers to the questions and he hated every single last one. He hated himself for possibly thinking this way. Period. He wanted to just not think about the look of shock in Naruto’s eyes as he pushed him away. He wanted to just not think about the feeling of lips against lips for the briefest of seconds. He definitely did not want to think about the look of betrayal and disgust that Naruto had thrown at him when he believed he was being rejected. Why didn’t he just not kiss Sasuke? That would have been so much easier on both parties.

 

Sasuke had been around plenty of “straight men” who did not-so-straight things while under the influence. He knew the song and dance. He knew his friends didn’t see him as a pariah to society, but most did see him as a commodity. Sasuke was a gay man who was straight passing and who lived in a straight dominated world. It was easier to be accepted because he didn’t threaten heteronormative ideals with the way he dressed or talked. He remembered being used for kicks then treated like an unwanted toy in the morning and he sure as hell wasn’t going to allow that shit to happen to him, willingly. He wasn’t here for the novelty of a different type of hole or something exotic. Fuck that.

 

He controlled the sigh that wanted to overtake his body, took a large gulp of his beer, and thought about Neji and TenTen.

 

God, he was such a shitbag. He hadn’t talk to them since he stormed out of their house, defending the honor of some fuck-up he didn’t even know. And for what? To be mistaken as an easy-thing? To allow himself to get twisted in pointless emotions? Why had he defended something he knew nothing about? That wasn’t like him at all.

 

“If you stare any harder, you might manage to burn a hole through the wall.” The comment stirred Sasuke out of his thoughts. He wiped his face of all emotions, noting how his brow had been furrowed so tight his forehead was hurting.

 

He made a noncommittal sound and looked to the person who had taken a seat next time him. Shikamaru, not looking to Sasuke, raised a finger to the man tending the teller, ordered something on tap, and turned to look at Sasuke.

 

“You don’t look too hot.” He observes, keeping his face neutral. Sasuke answers with a shrug and another big gulp from his beer.

 

“How is your business doing?” Sasuke asks in an attempt to shift the conversation away himself and his shitty attitude.

 

“Doing good, we just finished our menu for restaurant week. My cook, Choji, is pretty excited about that.” Shikamaru answered easily, taking a sip of his cold beverage while keeping his eyes on Sasuke who was pointedly looking anywhere but at the other man. A painful silence falls between the two in which it is unsure who could wait out who, longer.

 

Shikamaru takes a few more sips of his beer before heaving a sigh and saying, “You could just ask.”

 

“About what?” Sasuke mumbles to his drink.

 

Sasuke can hear the eye roll in Shikamaru’s response. “About Naruto. I know you two were talking. It was all he could talk about for a few weeks.”

 

Sasuke snaps his head around so quick he thinks he feels a small pop in his neck. “What?”

 

Shikamaru shakes his head, a look of mirth on his face. “Certainly, you don’t think Naruto would be interested in something and he would keep it all to himself?”

 

“Interested in something.” Sasuke repeats, quietly to himself. He pauses for a moment, searching for different answers at the bottom of his glass. He waves the bartender over and orders another beer.

 

“I fucked it up.” Sasuke said after he received his new glass.

 

Shikamaru nods. “I know.”

 

Sasuke finally releases that large sigh that had been threatening to take over his body all evening. He runs his hand through his hair, rubs his brow with his finger.

 

“But.” Shikamaru starts, takes a moment to drain his glass, then continues, “Probably not as bad as it appears you think you did. You must not know Naruto well do you?”

 

Sasuke gives him a withering look. “I’m still trying to figure out how I never noticed him before.”

 

Shikamaru shrugs at this. “I don’t know the answer to that. Naruto has been in the area for the last 4, almost 5, years. I meet him when he first showed up in town. Can you imagine that at 17 that boy was wilder than he is now?”

 

Shikamaru is smiling a tiny smile, eyes distant as he looks forward, clearly thinking of fond memories. Sasuke didn’t doubt it, but he had a hard time imagining it.

 

“Do you know where he is right now?” Sasuke finally allows himself to ask what he has been refusing to let himself think about.

 

This time, Shikamaru’s sigh sounds weary and tired. “Last I heard, he was back on smack.”

 

 

\----

 

 

Sasuke refuses to look at their messages. He refuses to look at Naruto’s social media page, hell he even refuses to open the social media app at all. He doesn’t want to chance it. He doesn’t want to see if Naruto had popped up again and he certainly doesn’t want to see if Naruto is angry, or if he is sad, or if he is acting like nothing is wrong, or if he doesn’t care at all.

 

Nope, because Sasuke certainly doesn’t care what Naruto thinks or feels. He doesn’t care if he is out there punching the ever-living daylights out of people, he doesn’t care if he is high on drugs, he doesn’t care if he has a new girlfriend, or if he got really drunk the night before, or if he isn’t active on social media at all. He swears, he doesn’t care.

 

And really, who was he fooling thinking that he knew Naruto at all?

 

Neji and TenTen were right. Fuck. He couldn’t let them know they were right, just the knowledge that they were right pissed Sasuke the fuck off. Why hadn’t he just kept his mouth shut and listened humbly?

 

And really, what fucking business was it of his what Naruto did or did not do. Wasn’t that what he told Neji and TenTen? That if Naruto was doing drugs that was his business and not theirs? Where was his convictions now when the situation was confirmed? Why did he feel lied to? Betrayed?

                                                                                                                                                                                        

Fuck that, even if he was lied to its not like he has any business to care. So, he won’t care. He doesn’t care what might had prompted Naruto to start using again, as Shikamaru put it, clearly referring to the fact that Naruto would have to of been using before and then quit to be able to start using again. Clearly there was nothing Sasuke did that promoted that reaction. Junkies relapse all the fucking time. Completely out of his control. Not Sasuke’s problem.

 

And so, what if he didn’t _know_ Naruto. He didn’t know many people and he never lost any sleep over that. So, yeah, just another example of how little the situation effected Sasuke.

 

And last! He told himself as he called out of work for the second day in a row and opened the new 24 pack he had purchased at the store. And last, its’ not like Naruto is the first person to do heroin in this area. Hell, not a year ago a bad batch had gone around that was mixed with fentanyl and killed over 16 people in the span of two months. That’s what happens when you live in the lower end of town, you make friends with people who live a lower quality of life. You make friends with drug addicts, and alcoholics, and people with questionable morals, and just about any other depressing scenario that you can think of. Not everyone was that way, but the degree of separation was so minuet that it was sometimes impossible to tell where right ended and wrong began.

 

So Sasuke drowned himself in bottle after bottle of piss-cheap beer and certainly did not care about what drug den Naruto may be overdosing in.

 

 

\----

 

 

When he showed up to work trying to cure his hang over with a pint of bourbon, his boss takes one look at Sasuke’s bloodshot eyes, catches one whiff of his breath, and immediately pulls him into the office.

 

“Sit.” Kakashi said, pushing him into the office chair. He left the tiny closet space they tried to pass as an office and returned with a glass of ice water. He thrusts it into Sasuke’s hand while removing the pint from the other.

 

Sasuke chugs the glass of life-giving water and stared off into space, not completely comprehending his full situation. His body was on autopilot, but his mind was cotton. His eyes were glazed and Kakashi wasn’t sure that he was even aware that he had come to work. He takes a moment to hope that he hadn’t driven.

 

He watches the boy as he drains the cup then sits there listlessly. Kakashi takes the glass and fills it again, this time giving Sasuke two ibuprofens as well. Sasuke takes the medicines, drinks another glass, then lets out a heavy sigh.

 

“What are you doing here like this Sasuke?” Kakashi finally asks.

 

Sasuke blinks at him once. Then twice. He looks to his feet, but doesn’t answer.

 

Kakashi lends back against the closed door and folds his arms across his chest. He rubs his face with his hands and pinches the bridge of his nose. Sasuke isn’t normally this type of employee, so Kakashi knew there was a good reason for the death-warmed-over look. “Look. If you need a few more days, take them.”

 

Sasuke nods. He gets up, picks the pint up off the counter where Kakashi had placed it, and walks out the door.

 

The water in his system starts to clear the alcohol induced fog half way through his walk him. He lived only 5 blocks from work, but that gave him plenty of time to let everything sink in.

 

The sun shined down on his back and he knew tomorrow it would do the same. Cars passed him, negligent to the rock in the pit of his stomach. He walked past neighbors getting their mail out of their mailboxes, kids riding bikes down the street, laughter ringing like a bell. He walked past the construction workers who was working to tear down a condemned building, first stripping it of any valuable hardware, they did not think about what may have happened in that house before. They didn’t think about who’s childhood home they were ransacking. He watched people walk their dogs. He watched people arrive home. He watched people leave. He was followed the whole length of a fence by a dog that did not appreciate him being so close to his territory and a cat walked up to his looking to be pet.

 

When he got to his house, his fucking boring little grey house with its plain concrete stoop and its plain dark grey door, and the windows with no curtains, when he walked into his trashed living room that was littered with emptied cans and little else other than a couch, a coffee table, and his shitty tube TV, it was then that he finally cracked into a million pieces.

 

Sasuke turned to the nearest wall and punched straight through the sheet rock. He removed his hand that was now crusted in white dust and watched as blood welled up and started to spill from his knuckles. Tears threaten to stream down his face and he knew. He didn’t want to know, but he knew.

 

He cared. He cared. He cared. He hated himself for it.

 

He hit the wall again.


	6. Drifter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors, my eyes are really bothering me today so I'm typing without my glasses. I'm also, in general, just not happy with this chapter so that isn't helping me want to read over it.

 

 

By the time a month had pass since Sasuke last saw Naruto, he was finally coming to terms with his emotions. He had ignored them, he had denied them, he had bargained with them, and he had fought them. He stared at the blank wall in his room and knew it was time to accept his feelings for what they were. He knew he was interested in Naruto, more than acquaintances and on a sexual level and although he wished he could trash his feelings, every time he buried them they resurfaced like bile in the back of his throat, threateningly bitter. He wasn’t quite sure what this acceptance meant in the long run, but his father always said the definition of stupid was repeating the same action and expecting different results, so he’d be damned if he intentionally acted stupid.

 

The first thing he did when he accepted his own defeat was to show up at Neji’s and TenTen’s house, unannounced. When TenTen opened the door and Sasuke mumbled an apology to the top of the doorframe, keeping his eyes averted from hers. She told him, lovely, “Get in here, jackass.”

 

For all tense and purposes—ones that would thoroughly be denied by both parties, he had a heart to heart with TenTen. He spent the whole conversation talking directly to windowsill to the right of TenTen’s chair. He hated to admit he felt any degree of anything towards any _one_ thing so every word that came out of his mouth had to fight to get there.

 

“Naruto does heroin.”

 

TenTen doesn’t respond. Of course, she knew. Fuck. She stays quiet and lets him work through it.

 

“He has been missing for a month.”

 

“Shiiiiiittttt.” TenTen curses under her breath, the syllables whipping out from her tongue. “No one knows where he is?”

 

Sasuke shrugs and keeps his eye trained on the window. “I imagine other users know, but that’s not something you go around asking people.”

 

Sasuke sees the haze of TenTen in his peripheral vision, the movement not one of negation. A common vice of travelers was heroin. Or meth. Sasuke knew enough to know that TenTen had dabbled, but that wasn’t a story you share around the campfire and it was definitely not something Sasuke was willing to pry out of her. These types of conversations were always said in hushed voices behind cupped hands, whispered to your closet confidant. They are only meant for the select population in the “know” because everything else was just overbearing judgement and misunderstanding topped with lack of experiences and heartless sympathies.

 

Maybe the exact reason why Sasuke got pissed at her for speaking up was the exact reason why he should have listened. There was no going back now, though. He needed to know how to move forward. He forces himself to talk, and TenTen listens.

 

He left her feeling more confident.

 

His next stop on his road to redemption found him pulling up a name on his social media page and hitting the message icon. Kiba Inuzuka. If anyone might know where Naruto was, Sasuke had a good feeling it would be Kiba. It was rare that Sasuke saw one without the other and he knew from conversations with Naruto that he considered Kiba one of his most trusted friends. Sasuke could only hope that trust turned into knowledge of Naruto’s hiding place. Sasuke asked Kiba if he would be willing to meet him on the patio for a chat, offered to buy him a beer, and waited. It took Kiba a few hours to respond but when he did he agreed and a day later Sasuke found himself face to face with what felt like his only hope.

 

Kiba lit a cigarette and took a deep inhale before releasing ribbons of smoke. “So, whats up?”

 

“Can I get one of those?” Sasuke asked, wanting an item to focus on that wasn’t his cup. He was starting to pick up smoking again and for everyone he smoked he told himself, _last one._

 

 

“Oh, uh, sure.” Kiba gave him a stick and his lighter. Sasuke lit up and took a drag then tapped the cherry against the ashtray that sat between them.

 

“So…” Kiba filled in the silence when Sasuke didn’t begin immediately. Sasuke figured that silences were probably hard for Kiba seeing how he had such a loud mouth.

 

“Yeah.” Sasuke started. Paused. Adjusted his butt on the seat, then started again, “I was hoping you knew if Naruto was okay.”

 

“Damn, Shika is always right.” Kiba’s face fell a little and he started to bob his head in affirmation. When he speaks, it’s the lowest volume Sasuke has ever heard from him. “Should of figured that’s what you wanted…”

 

Kiba takes a long drag and follows it by a deep swallow of his beverage, then continues, “If you are trying to find him, good luck. When he gets like this…he is near impossible to find. I don’t even know who he uses with anymore… most the old crew is clean or...” He pauses. Takes in a long steady breath before slowly pushing it out, then starts again. “He meets so many people traveling I just…. I don’t know.”

 

There is another paused in the conversation and Sasuke can only feel dread. He was going to have to accept things were going to stay as they were, it appeared. He tries not to let the defeated feeling show on his face. The silence that falls between the two draws out. They both sit there, puffing on their cigarettes, and considering the person of topic.

 

“Look, I want to tell you something because I saw the way Naruto talked about you and I saw the way you looked at him.” Kiba says. “It’s been a long time since Naruto made friends with someone who wasn’t a complete fuck-up. He is a really good person who was dealt a really shitty hand. He deserves to be happy, but he doesn’t think he deserves it.

 

“The best part about Naruto is this. He loves unconditionally. He loves the dirty, the poor, the homeless, the abandoned, the beaten, the forgotten, and the broken. That is also the worse part about Naruto. He acts tough, but he isn’t on the inside. He doesn’t let anyone love him. I’ve known that kid since we were in grade school. I followed him out here. Naruto has this magnetic quality…I think you feel it too. He has always been a drifter and may always be a drifter. But he is a drifter that will always find a way to rise from the dirt.”

 

Sasuke and Kiba share a few more beers before they part ways. Kiba spends the time telling Sasuke about growing up with Naruto. He is told the story about a kid who was raised by grandparents on the wrong side of the tracks, who had always been a little mischievous and was a pro at pulling pranks. He learned about a boy that always got in trouble, always got blamed for everything, and always came to school muddy, cut up, and bloody. He learned about how that boy had gone from laughing everything off to developing violent tendencies when the bullying got too rough. He learned about the alcoholism that ran in that boy’s family. He learned about the high school drop-out and the goal to see every city in every country in the world.

 

That night when Sasuke went home he did three things. He pulled out his phone and sent the only words that he could think to send to a man he barely knew, he laid down in bed, and he sobbed. Why were all the most beautiful people, broken?

 

The message read: I’m sorry.

 

 

 

\----

 

 

 

 

The thing about life is, it doesn’t stop for the damned. It continues rolling and you can cry and hit and yell but it doesn’t care. That’s why Sasuke always had an issue with his feeling, what were the point of feeling them if there was nothing that could be done? Life doesn’t care about feelings, so why should he?

 

People who whine and complain about their position made no sense to Sasuke. Why dwell on things you can’t control? Things you will never control? Why allow yourself to be controlled by something that when you die, doesn’t amount to anything?

 

Feelings will never get you anywhere, only actions. People can pontificate all they want. They can complain about the environment, and about government, they can complain about the charities that negatively affect their business, and about the shitty music people create, but what does that complaining do other than release hot air into the atmosphere? You can call your local representatives, you can talk shit to someone who doesn’t recycle, you can choose not to help a charity, and you can decide to not attend local shows, but what does that do for anything? What does that prove? Why do humans think that their opinions change anything around them?

 

Maybe all these realizations where what made Sasuke despondent in the first place. Maybe that was why he woke up one day and couldn’t hold onto his anger anymore. Naruto had stirred something inside him, something that had been dormant for years. Associating with someone who abandoned social constraints breathed a new life into Sasuke that left him feeling exposed and raw.

 

For the first time in a long time, Sasuke realized his life was lacking and that he hadn’t changed at all. He had just allowed himself to disappear into the background. And that was why he didn’t see what was around him. That was why he missed the elephant in the room.

 

He had no real connections to the place he lived although he pretended to give a fuck about local business, music, and art. He had no real connection to the people that he surrounded himself with. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, it was that when he allowed himself to care he didn’t know how to control the overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction and, dare he admit, the awfully heavy weight of loneliness, that defined every second of every day.

 

And that was why he couldn’t look away from Naruto. And that was why now, even after admitting to himself that Naruto was _special_ he couldn’t convince himself to continue to search for Naruto. He wanted Naruto back in his life, even if it was just brightening up his day with stupid photos from the internet, but he couldn’t do that to Naruto.

 

Naruto was suffering in his own way, and Sasuke wasn’t positive he would be able to even begin to offer help in the way that Naruto needed it. Sasuke wasn’t a moral compass, he wasn’t the voice of Good Intentions. And it wasn’t like Naruto was even asking him for help. Nope, Naruto had erased himself out of the equation completely. He had removed himself from the situation when he realized he wasn’t getting what he wanted out of it, and Sasuke was envious that he couldn’t do the same.

 

You know what Sasuke could do, though? The same thing he did whenever he needed to forget about everything. Or relax. Or be social. Or get sleep when sleep wasn’t coming.

 

He drank. A lot.

 

At least he was making it to work now.

 

This was how Sasuke functioned. He went to work, he came home usually alone, and he drank. Occasionally he would go to a show and watch people punch the ever-living shit out each other. Sometimes he was able to watch someone do the same thing on the patio, but that wasn’t as frequent. He would allow TenTen to convince him to come over and eat dinner with her and Neji, but he refused to go back to kickball. Sometimes he would accept an offer to grab drinks from a random person, and sometimes he would allow himself some primal comforts in various degrees.

 

Shikamaru started to invite him over to smoke pot every so often and Sasuke took him up on the offer. Sometimes Kiba was there and sometimes he would bring this really creepy looking guy, Shino. Shino always wore really dark glasses like Aoba, and a high coat. He was quiet though, so Sasuke didn’t mind him much. They never talked about Naruto but Sasuke figured Shikamaru was inviting him to make sure Sasuke didn’t go off the deep in like Naruto had. Shika came off a bit as a disgruntled bleeding heart, in Sasuke’s opinion.

 

It was fucking stupid, Sasuke knew, that they were sitting around here not talking about the issue that was causing them all to group together in the first place. It seems they were all just wanting to hear about the end, but what end were they all anticipating?

 

Sasuke had fallen asleep on Shika’s couch, high and too drunk to leave. Shikamaru embodied such a calm aurora that Sasuke couldn’t help but find himself able to relax in Shikamaru’s house and had found himself waking on the same couch a little more often then he cared to admit.

 

It’s not the faint sound of shuffling that wakes Sasuke. The sound of shattering glass jerks him out of the drunk-sleep haze. The side door with the tiny rectangular glass windows had a bloody hand reaching through, attempting to grasp the handle. Sasuke was instantly alert, searching for anything he could use to knock the robber out.

 

He shouted, jumping up from the couch ready to attack, “Shika!”

 

The hand found the doorknob, twisted, and the door swung open. Naruto stumbled in.

 

Sasuke gasped. “Holy…”

 

Naruto was dirty on a level that Sasuke had never seen before. His clothes were torn, his body dusted in dirt. Blood dripped from his cut knuckles. His eyes were dazed and unfocused, beard long, and his hair hung in mattes around his face.

 

Shikamaru ran into the room from the hallway, a bat in his hand. When he saw Naruto, head down, swaying like a gust of wind would blow him over. “Naruto!”

 

Naruto stood in the doorway, looking as though he would fall just from attempting to stand straight, his eyes so heavy lidded that Sasuke wasn’t sure his eyes were opened. Shikamaru threw aside the bat and grabbed Naruto by the waist, looping Naruto’s arm around his neck. Sasuke wondered how the fuck Naruto got here.

 

“Help me get him to the bathroom.” Shikamaru told Sasuke, then added under his breath, “Fucking Hell, Naru.”

 

Sasuke rushed in front of them and opened the bathroom door, switched on the lights, and closed the lid on the toilet. Shikamaru eased Naruto down onto the seat where he slumped forward, eyes definitely closed. He moved in slow circles, looking at one point like he would lean too far forward and fall off the seat. Sasuke put his hand on Naruto shoulder. Naruto jumped a little and for a second his eyes focused on Sasuke’s face.

 

“Fsssccc…” He mumbled, his lips barely moving to let the jumbled word out. His eyes glazed again, and he covered his face with his battered hands.

 

Shikamaru was pulling a First Aid kit out from under the sink, then sat in front of Naruto, his face looking only a fraction stiffer than his normal relaxed appearance. He opened the kit on the floor and pulled Naruto’s bleeding hand off his face. Bloody streaks remained on his cheeks. Sasuke felt like he was watching the scene though a fish lens.

 

“I’m cleaning these cuts, fucker.” Shikamaru said.

 

Naruto hummed. Shikamaru opened a bottle of rubbing alcohol and unceremoniously dumped it on top of the dirty digits. He paid no attention to the liquid as it splashed onto the floor, pooling in areas and speckling their legs. Naruto made another sound like he was cussing more, and tried to pull his hand away. Shikamaru’s grasp on his wrist tighten.

 

“Shut up.” He told him. Sasuke watched the two, realizing he was an intruder of the finer details in Shikamaru’s and Naruto’s friendship. “You don’t get to break into my house, bleed all over my floor, and cuss at me while I’m helping your janky ass.”

 

He inspects the wounds for glass, then drops the hand when he is satisfied. He turns to Sasuke, “Let’s put him in the shower. He stinks.”

 

Sauske snaps out of the trace, nods slightly, “Bath?”

 

“No, shower, I don’t want him to accidently drown.”

 

 Sasuke nods again, then shuffles around the cramped space till he can turn on the water in the tub. Shikamaru starts to roughly remove Naruto’s shoes and socks, tossing them carelessly behind him. By the time Sasuke gets the water to the temperature he wants its and has the shower running, Naruto is half naked with the posture of a cooked noodle, nearly slumped completely over with Shikamaru struggling to get him to stand up. Sasuke helps get Naruto to his feet, and Shikamaru takes off his pants and removes the remainder of Naruto’s clothes, deftly. Sasuke looks up.

 

“Alright Naruto, I’m going to put your ass in this tub and sit you down and we are going to stay here and make sure you don’t drown.”

 

Naruto mumbles and it sounds a little like an “Okay.”

 

By the time Sasuke and Shikamaru are able to get Naruto into the tub, they are both soaking wet and the floor is covered in water. Shikamaru pulls the curtain half-way closed to stop the spray from continuing to get everywhere and tells Sasuke to wait with Naruto.

 

When he leaves the room, Sasuke doesn’t know what to do. He looks around the small bathroom and has a hard time comprehending the situation. Everything was covered in water, and there was a small puddle of blood that was slowly diluting next to the toilet. Shikamaru had taken Naruto’s clothes with him so all that remained on the floor was the waterlogged floor mats. Sasuke looked at Naruto in the tub, he was sitting up but was curled in on himself, one arm across his lap and the other hanging loosely at his side. He raises his head, eyes closed, and it lolls a bit from side to side until he rests his chin back on his chest. His mouth was slack.

 

Sasuke watches as the water spatters Naruto head. He watches the liquid cling to soggy hair then run in ribbons down cheek, to neck, to chest. The cuts on his knuckles must have been superficial because he did not see any more blood in the water. Naruto looked like he has been sleeping in the dirt for the past month and it caused his face and arms to streak. Sasuke has to remind himself how likely that may be the case.

 

Shikamaru comes back into the room, shirtless and carrying a pile of towels, a washcloth, and a large plastic cup. He tosses a towel to Sasuke, wipes up the blood on the floor with another, and lines the area next to the tub with two. Sasuke uses his to wipe the water off his limbs and face and roughly rubs his hair as Shikamaru takes a seat on the toilet and moves the curtain back again.

 

“How are you doing this?” Sasuke asks him, so quietly that he isn’t sure he really even spoke the words aloud.

 

“Hm?” Shika asks, looking up to him for a minute, then turns back to Naruto. He grabs the bottle of shampoo and squeezes a bit out in his hand.

 

“Naruto is like my brother.” He states with a shrug as he lathers the soap into Naruto’s hair, holding his head at an angle to keep the suds out of Naruto’s eyes.

 

“Luw ju, bro.” Naruto mumbles, this time a bit clearer than any of the noises he had made so far.

 

“I love you, too.” Shikamaru responses without hesitation. He stands up and holds the cup of water in front of the showerhead, allowing it to fill before he dumps it on Naruto’s head. He repeats the action.

 

Sasuke’s head tells him to leave, that this was _too private_ , but as he makes for the door, Shikamaru stops him.

 

“I never had a sibling growing up. My father told me that my mother tried hard to have another child after me, but it never worked out.” He speaks without looking towards Sasuke. “When I was a child I thought that having a brother or sister would be such a drag. I was thankful I didn’t have to share, and I enjoyed being left alone. I wasn’t afraid that I wouldn’t get all the attention if I had a sibling, but what bothered me was the idea of all the extra things that would have to be done. Longer trips to the grocery store, longer waits for everyone to get ready to leave the house, more people to disagree about what to eat for dinner, or what to watch on TV. It all just seemed so time consuming.”

 

Shikamaru works conditioner through Naruto’s hair and repeats the process of rising it out, ignore the rivets of water that splatter his body as the shower continuously spits its’ steady stream. Naruto’s eyes are still closed and there is a faint smile on his lips, and everything about him seem a bit more alive than it had been looking since he broke through the door. Sasuke’s chest is tightly constricted with an emotion he was struggling to name. It tasted a little like desperation mixed with apprehension and confused with a bit of happiness.

 

“I thought I learned everything there was to learn before I met Naruto.” Shikamaru continues. “I was old enough to buy my own alcohol, I had graduated college, and I had started a business young, mainly because I didn’t want to have to deal with working for anyone else. The least bothersome route always pointed me towards doing things myself, allowing a more skilled peer to do it, or not doing anything at all. I got called lazy because it always looked like I put minimal effort into everything. But, who could blame me, life was easy for me. I didn’t have to work hard to pass a test, I didn’t have to work hard to learn more skills. Everything was easy, and boring.”

 

He takes the washcloth and gets it soapy before he starts scrubbing Naruto’s body in a very clinical manner.

 

“Nothing about Naruto is easy or boring. The first time we met, I was living with a roommate and we didn’t get along. I like to relax and to go with the flow, but my roommate wanted everything to be orderly and contained. I threw a party and someone, I think it was Kiba but I’m not sure, invited Naruto over. My roommate got angry and threw a fit because there was a lot of people and we were making a mess. It was a big mood killer and a lot of people left, but not Naruto. We hadn’t said much to each other, but we had gotten along, and we were both drunk and shooting shit, smoking weed. I instantly liked him. I could tell he was an honest dude.”

 

Naruto is smiling now like he is stuck in a good memory. Shikamaru repeatedly fills the cup and pouring water over his body to make sure all the soap washed away.

 

“Naruto got in my roommate’s face. Cussed him out for being rude in front of guests, told him he needed to respect me better, that I was clearly a good person. I don’t know how true that is, but it felt good to be defended. After the altercation, my roommate went to his room and the few remaining people were either getting ready to pass out or leave, Naruto disappeared. I don’t think about it much and I go to bed. Next thing I know, Naruto is crawling into my bed, laughing his ass off. He tells me, ‘fuck that dude, I peed in his car. Lets’ smoke a bowl’.”

 

“Fuk ‘em.” Naruto’s slurred agreement came. Shikamaru shakes his head, the smile still on his face.

 

“You feeling better Naruto?” Shikamaru asks. Naruto hums his answer, still not opening his eyes. His head continues lolling around a bit and if Shikamaru didn’t have his hand on Naruto’s shoulders Sasuke figures he would have already managed to fall while seated.

 

“Let’s get him out of here.” Shikamaru tells Sasuke. He nods, and turns off the water. Shikamaru uses the remaining towel to dry off Naruto, who seems to be getting his bearing back. He is able to stand without looking like he is about to fall over although he still has his eyes closed. After they wrap his hand in a bandage, Sasuke puts Naruto’s arm around his shoulder and helps him out of the bathroom, making sure the towel is tied securely around his waist. Shikamaru stays behind to finish drying himself and cleaning up the mess.

 

Naruto looks up to Sasuke, his eyes glazed and half lidded. His words are low, slurred, and barely audible. “It’s you Sasuke.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t know what to say but feels the need to reply so he sticks with, “It’s me.”

 

“I’m cold.” Naruto whispers. His eyes close again and he leans heavily against Sasuke. It felt like hours he had sat there and watched Naruto lay dazed in a tub, clearly high. It couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes though. Would Naruto remember this in the morning? Sasuke looks to the side door which is still jarred opened, then to the single couch in the living room.

 

Shikamaru appears again, this time with sweatpants and a shirt for Naruto. They get him dressed then lay him down under the blanket that Sasuke had been using just moments before. Sasuke helps Shikamaru clean up the glass and tape a piece of cardboard to the broken pane, both boys moving in complete silence as Naruto’s snores fill the air.

 

“Sorry I don’t have another bed Sasuke.” Shikamaru tells him. Sasuke waves him off.

 

“I’m fine. I got this.”

 

Shikamaru nods and leaves, but not before getting another blanket for Sasuke.

 

Sasuke takes the blanket and sits on the floor with his back to the couch, near Naruto’s face. He curls up uncomfortably, laying his head against the cushion and looking at Naruto’s serene features. He was back and safe, if maybe a little worse for wear. The desperation Sasuke had been feeling turned to contentment but his mind clung onto the apprehension. Just because Naruto was here didn’t mean Naruto was back. There was no telling what would happen once he sobered up.

 

Everything is shit, he tells himself, but if that was true his happiness told him, then Naruto is the precious stone that is result of years of shit compressing together so it can create something hard and beautiful.

 

A drifter that always rises from the dirt. Sasuke imagined that maybe he understood that a small percentage better than he had before.


	7. Withdrawl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I want to apologize for posting this late. Life happened, as the saying goes. Second, while I'm not 100% sure that Chapter 8 will be posted in four days but, I'm going to work as much as I can to try to meet that deadline. Third, I can now confirm this fic will be 11 chapters long.

The sun hadn’t crested the horizon when Sasuke leaves Shikamaru’s house. The floor is uncomfortable, Naruto’s snores were too loud, and sleep was too far from reach for him to feel the need to stay. His mind raced with thoughts and every little discomfort was a jagged thorn in his side. It seemed every time he succeeded in handling the conversation in his head, something else came around and lit the fire once again. He hated feeling confused, and sitting there staring at Naruto’s drug-induced slumber, all Sasuke managed to do was get himself even more twisted. So, he left.

 

He arrived home, feeling like he could crawl out of his own skin. He attempted to get more sleep but after staring at the ceiling for roughly an hour, he decided a shower would do the trick. He stood in the shower for far longer than necessary, throwing away any ounce of care he had regarding his water bill. When he finally turned off the showerhead his skin had the characteristics of a raisin, the water temperature couldn’t pass for lukewarm, and he still felt like he could slink up the walls. He decided his house deserved to be cleaned.

 

It only took him four hours to replace and clean all his linens in his small two-bedroom one bath house. He sorted all his trash and recyclables and prepared them for pick up. He deep cleaned his refrigerator and went through his clothes to get rid of items he wasn’t wearing anymore. He swept, then vacuumed, then dust mopped, then wet mopped, his whole house. Every time his mind would ask, _“What’s next?”_ his body would find another task to be completed.

 

He went through his filing box and threw away paper that was older than seven years. He dusted all the surfaces and under all items as well. Dust was removed from the blinds, window panes were detailed washed with a spare brush, and he even went through the cabinets under his sinks and threw away old bottles of cleaner he no longer used.

 

His mind asked him, _“What’s next?”_

 

He was frustrated with the thought. Didn’t he already know that he didn’t know what to do next? Wasn’t his body fully aware that this stress cleaning was all a cover-up so that he didn’t have to think about what his mind was forcing himself to think about? The ability to be decisive was a trait Sasuke had prided himself on. He always knew what he wanted or what he thought or how he felt and would move forward with not much extra consideration once he knew which direction he planned to take.

 

But, now…

 

He was stuck in a swirling trap. Normally, what was right or wrong wasn’t a big deal to Sasuke, it was all about how the situation affected him. He was very selfish in that aspect, but he wasn’t ashamed of his selfishness. His methods had proved to be right time and time again. He was successful. He watched after his own. He depended on no one.

 

And, _fuck_ , what was with realizing he was lonely and adrift now? Why had seeing Naruto in a state of semi-conscious bless breed jealousy in Sasuke’s heart? No, jealousy wasn’t the right word. Seeing Naruto high had scared Sasuke. His chest had constricted. His vision had turned into a tunnel. He had only been able to focus on the liquid movements of a body fighting gravity. He knew people who did meth and heroin but had never witnessed them under the influence. He had felt his bubble being popped. The world, his town, the people around him, suddenly looked different. The ability to say, “drugs only effect the people using them”, was gone. The ability to say, “a person’s choice is their own”, vanished. Shikamaru, someone who had never wanted a brother, had found a brother in a drug-addicted adolescent, and had found the capacity to care. Was that what was happening to Sasuke? Was life before this so black and white?

 

Wasn’t Naruto’s return what he wanted? And if so, why the fuck was he spending the time organizing his book alphabetically by the author’s last name instead of being there when Naruto woke up? And what the fuck was with the feeling that he _wanted_ to be there when Naruto woke up?

 

He knew though, Naruto’s return didn’t mean he was better. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t be gone by the evening. It didn’t mean he was going to stop using, or he was going to get a job, or becoming a respectable member of society. And really, Sasuke found himself not able to consider Naruto doing those things. Wouldn’t changing all those aspects about Naruto mean that he was no longer chaotic good. Then what would he be then?

 

For all intellectual purposes, Sasuke knew drugs were bad. He watched enough documentaries and heard enough stories and knew enough ‘friends of friends’ to know they were destructive both physically and mentally on the user and the people around them. It didn’t take a college degree or advanced doctorate research to figure that one out. But Sasuke had observed enough of his surroundings to know that being a junkie didn’t automatically make someone a bad person, but a bad person who was also a junkie is the worst.

 

Naruto isn’t a bad person. To Sasuke he appeared directionless, maybe full of misguided rage, probably depressed. The happiest peoples are the ones who shock you the most when they are found dead from self-inflicted wounds. It’s always the happy ones, the ones who do the best at hiding the pain, that make you second guess your ability to read the people around you. If anything, Naruto was at a high risk for suicide. Maybe that was why Shikamaru decided to repay Naruto’s loyalty with his own. Maybe that magnetic quality everyone claims to feel was just their intuition’s way of saying, “keep this one safe.”

So, this was where he was. He wanted Naruto to be clean, because he knew that was the best for him, but he didn’t feel like he could influence Naruto’s decision because it wasn’t his place. At the same time, he wanted Naruto to stay. He wanted to see the blonde continue to defend his friends with his fists, he wanted to see him get drunk and make a fool of himself, he wanted to drink with Naruto, he wanted to talk shit with Naruto. He wanted to compare stories. He wanted to know Naruto’s thoughts, his opinions, and his pet peeves. He enjoyed the energy Naruto brought to the room, how he was somehow his own center of gravity. Sasuke, like so many others, were pulled in.

 

That evening, after turning his house into a model home and after his shift at work, Sasuke texted Shikamaru.

 

 

\----

 

 

“Fuck.” Naruto moans loudly when he sees Sasuke, sounding somewhere between _Why, Jesus me?_ and _Fuck my life_. His skin is slick with sweat, but he shivers under the blanket he has cocooned himself in. Sasuke stands in the doorway and takes in the sight. Naruto’s eyes are bloodshot and the bags under them are a sharp contrast against his skin. He looks pale and like he hasn’t slept in weeks although when Sasuke had left in the morning nothing short of Armageddon would have woken Naruto.

 

“You want a cig?” Shikamaru asks, taking a seat on a kitchen chair that had been placed near the couch. The tv is on but the news is muted, and death metal could be heard playing from a stereo system in the back of the house.

 

Naruto glares at him, “Stop fucking babying me.”

 

“Princess is cranky.” Shikamaru says in a mocking tone as he turns to Sasuke, who is suddenly thinking he should have waited another day before returning. It seemed his head and his heart were still in different places, no matter how much going-around he did between the two.

 

“You’d be cranky too if you felt like you had been tossed in a trash compressor.” Naruto snipped back.

 

“With the way you smelt this morning I’d be surprised that wasn’t where you had been.” Sasuke butts in.

 

“Fuck you, bastard.” Naruto gnarls, really looking at him for the first time since he entered the room. “Why the fuck are you here?”

 

Shikamaru and Sasuke share a look. Shikamaru eyes ask him, _Well?_

 

Sasuke sucks air through his teeth and looks up at the ceiling in defiance. _Because I want to be_ isn’t the whole truth but, _Because I want to make you not leave again_ sounds fucking lame. He settles on a shrug. Naruto huffs and calls him a bastard under his breath.

 

In another ten uncomfortable minutes, Sasuke has pulled himself his own kitchen chair next to Shikamaru, the two are talking about _Restaurant Week,_ which was right around the corner, and Naruto has done a full 180-degree rotation on the couch in an attempt to find relief for his aching body. Each futile shift was accompanied with curses all directed at himself, the cadence in his voice steadily rising as the ill-directed anger became harder for him to control.

 

“Fucking, fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He growls as the blanket, aggressively pushing and kicking off the cocoon onto the floor. He stands up ignoring the fabric, and thrust his hand out to Shikamaru. “Give me that cigarette, will ya.”

 

Sasuke assumes that was supposed to be a question, but when it was spoken through gnashing teeth it teeters on the line of being a threat. Shikamaru rises his eyebrow at Naruto and stares long enough that the blonde-haired boy groans and starts rubbing his face roughly with his hands.

 

“Pleaseee.” He pleads, dragging out the last syllable. He shivers, then continues, “Fuck man, I’m ready for this shit to be over.”

 

Shikamaru hands him a cigarette and a lighter. Naruto barely has the items in his hands when he bolts for the door. Sasuke watches him go, acting like a fiend, and shifts his eyes back to Shikamaru. They share the look for a minute, Shikamaru shrugs as in, _what do you expect?_

 

Sasuke gets up and goes outside.

 

Sasuke pulls a cigarette out of his own pack and lights it as he sits down next to Naruto on the stoop. Naruto keeps his eyes adverted with his elbows rested on his knees and the cigarette held loosely between his thumb and pointer finger. Sasuke looks him up and down and tries to remember the last time he has seen anyone look so thin. Naruto has pushed up the sleeves of his hoodie and his wrists are so tiny Sasuke thinks he might be able to wrap his fingers around it twice. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and looks away.

 

“It’s not your fault, you know. I am the fuck up.” Naruto tells him quietly after a few minutes of amiable silence with only the sounds of the inner-city streets accompanying them.

 

Sasuke opens up his mouth to respond, but Nauto cuts him off, still not turning to look him in the face. “I got your message online… This morning was the first time I checked it in a while.”

 

Big, fat tears swell up in Naruto’s eyes and within seconds of forming they are falling down Naruto’s face. He jabs his palms into his eyes, attempting to stop the flow.

 

“I’m such a fuck up Sasuke.”

 

The asshole in Sasuke starts to get uncomfortable. Anger was something he had no problem handling, but grief was something he didn’t know how to address. The sobs are racking through Naruto’s body now, his nose ran, and massive drops of fluid landed between his legs, turning the concrete dark where they hit. He went from 0 to 60 in mere seconds and Sasuke felt like he had whiplash.

 

Sasuke plays mental tennis with himself, going back and forth about what he should do. Why did he always find himself so god-damn unsure of himself around Naruto?

 

He curbed his rising anger with himself, tentatively stuck out his hand to slowly approach Naruto’s shaking form. He hesitated there for what felt like hours trying to convince his arm to relax. When it finally met Naruto’s body at the base of his neck, Naruto stiffened up.

 

Sasuke takes a moment to center himself, then he timidly starts to flex his fingers, rubbing the area where Naruto’s neck meets his shoulder, feeling the deep rigs between bone and flesh. He rubs his thumb up the column then back down again, adding pressure when he gets to the junction of the shoulder then, when he slid his hand back up, he adds his fingers on the other side to mimic what his thumb was doing.

 

Naruto let out a deep sigh, and visibly relaxed.

 

Sasuke rubs the area behind Naruto’s ears and along his hairline. He works the muscles of Naruto’s neck, then each shoulder. He creates a fist with his hand and runs his knuckles down Naruto’s spine. When Naruto’s posture begins to resemble that of jelly and his cigarette is gone, Sasuke pulls another two of out his pack, lights one up for Naruto and keeps one for himself. He wraps his arm around loosely Naruto’s shoulders. Naruto rests his head on Sasuke’s shoulder, his breathing even for the first time since Sasuke had arrived.

 

Sasuke noted that his skin was still slightly damp, but he didn’t appear to be in as much pain as before.

 

“Feeling better, idiot?” He asks, probably a bit more softly than he meant. Naruto’s hums his agreement, lightly nodding his head from its position on Sasuke’s shoulder.

 

“This isn’t something I haven’t beat before. I just need a few days.” He supplies, then quietly he adds, “Thank you.”

 

Sasuke didn’t realize he needed to hear those words until they hung in the air like lights on a string. He knew enough about addiction to know, it is only the will of the person who is suffering that can change their disposition. In all his time arguing with himself to figure out his own feelings, the issue he could never reconcile was Naruto’s feelings. Even if they were just words, Sasuke had a feeling he could trust Naruto. If something had been proven time and time again while being around the other man, it was that Naruto was a man of his words. He was human, so he tripped and fell occasionally, but Naruto was about walking the path he had laid before him and staying true to himself, his friends, and the people who deserved justice.

 

Sasuke doesn’t know what to say, knows that anything he says is trite, so he responds by tightening his grip around Naruto shoulders, he brings his cigarette back up to his lips and looks off down the street. When he feels Naruto’s arm creep around his back and hesitatively wrap around his waist he inches his butt a little bit closer. Naruto tightens his hold.


	8. Gifted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning ahead.

 

The next week Sasuke spends most his time at Shikamaru’s, helping distract Naruto. When Naruto finds out he owns a guitar, Naruto begs him to bring it over.

 

“I need something to do with my hands!” Naruto had exclaimed, shaking the thick digits in front of Sasuke’s face. Sasuke had rolled his eyes, but still had a hard time controlling the smile on his face the following day when he entered the house with the instrument.

 

Naruto spends a lot of time strumming it, making it sing beautiful mixtures of sounds that Sasuke didn’t realize were possible. Sasuke spends his time watching Naruto caress the instrument, watching the way Naruto’s focuses on the cords and would repeatedly pick at the strings until a song creeps up and Sasuke can identify the tune. Sasuke finds himself amazed, since he did not know that Naruto was so gifted.

 

They past hours in Shikamaru’s living room, Naruto plucking the cords and chattering about people he had meet through music and Sasuke nodding along to the beat, asking only enough questions to keep Naruto carrying on.

 

Shikamaru gives Naruto a spare phone of his in exchange for an I.O.U. When Sasuke is not at Shikamaru’s house, Naruto starts sending him twerking video, always rating the person’s abilities and attempting to have a serious conversation about gravity, muscle mass, and the relation of the two to someone’s performance in bed. After the third day if receiving various videos Sasuke grows a pair, and responses, “You’re a lot of talk. I’d like to see you twerk.”

 

When he checks his phone again in a few hours, Naruto has sent Sasuke a video of himself. The clip starts with Naruto leaning towards the camera, sticking his tongue out and flipping off the lens with both middle fingers. He was wearing a black shirt with its sleeve cut off and a pair of burnt orange boxer briefs. There is metal playing in the background, something fast and thrash-y. When he turns around and bends his knees, one hand creeps up the front of his shirt, pulling it up in the back so that Sasuke can see the two dimples that sit above his ass cheeks and that accentuate the curve of his spine. His other comes up to his neck and is dragged through his hair. He looks over his shoulder at the camera, his cocky smile hidden slightly by the veil of hair being pulled in his face. The muscle of his left butt cheek bounces once, then twice. The right side responds. Once. Then twice.

 

He pops his hips, catches the fast pace of the metal blaring in the background, and suddenly his ass cheeks are clapping, the thin fabric of his briefs slowing being swallowed between the crease. He alternates, straightening his legs and arching his back, hands clasps against his knees as his cheeks bounced up and down and his thighs clenched. He lowers himself, making the pops shallow but faster. He straighten one leg and bends the other, jiggling his ass from side to side, then alternates. Sasuke had never seen someone twerk to metal and he had to quickly turn off the screen and shove his phone into his pocket before he became transfixed with the action. He swallows a few times and has to cough to clear his suddenly dry throat.

 

Later that evening, when he gets in his car to drive home from work, he watches the video in full, licking his lips unconsciously as Naruto goes through a variety of positions all while defying the laws of physics and body mass index. At the end of the video, Naruto turns back around, makes the symbol of devil horns with his fist, lips the tips of his pointer and pinky finger, and slides them over his brow. He shakes his horns at the camera, his lips curled defiantly, and the video clip ends.

 

Sasuke's response is, “Looks like we know how you make money on the side.”

 

Naruto responses, “I am a man of many skills.”

 

_That you are,_ the pervert in Sasuke agrees.

 

 

\---- 

 

 

One evening, when Sasuke comes over late, Naruto has a few needles bundled together and he is dipping them into India Ink and poking at the skin on his arm. A cigarette hangs from his lips as he concentrates on his work and Sasuke thinks about how pissed Shikamaru is going to be when he comes home to his house smelling like cigarettes. Sasuke keeps his mouth shut and watches Naruto as he tattoos two straight lines parallel to each other, then add a circle next to it, with two more parallel arrows bisecting it.

 

“What are you doing?” Sasuke asks.

 

Naruto shrugs and shoves his forearm in Sasuke’s face. He says matter-of-fact like, “It’s a memorial tattoo.”

 

Sasuke nods dumbly, still confused by what the symbols mean. “For who?”

 

Naruto pulls his arm back into his lap and continues pushing ink into his dermis, his brow creased in concentration. “My friend who passed away.”

 

Sasuke sinks into the couch next to him and watches Naruto work, not asking any further question. He felt no need to tell Naruto, _“I’m sorry,”_   or, _“Let me know if you want to talk about it.”_   He knew those words were cheap and if Naruto wanted to talk, he would.

 

When Naruto puts down the bundle of needles and caps the ink, they begin chain smoking on the couch, sitting slightly too close. Naruto taking every chance he can to push against Sasuke as they play video games. Shikamaru comes home with a dirty blonde female wearing her hair in the weirdest punk-inspired pig tails Sasuke has ever seen.

 

“Stop smoking cigs in my fucking house!” He complains as he walks through the room, being dragged by the female. Naruto flips off Shikamaru but puts the cigarette out anyway. They continue playing for a few more minutes until something crashing is heard followed by a not-so-restrained moan.

 

Naruto and Sasuke look to each other.

 

“My place?” Sasuke asks.

 

“Definitely.” Naruto agrees.

 

Naruto stuffs a few articles of clothing into a bag and they migrate to Sasuke’s house.

 

In another few days it’s hard to tell that Naruto was ever suffering from withdrawal. The sweats are gone. He no longer moves around like he is a yo-yo all tied up. Sasuke has to admit to himself, he had a small amount of doubt that had been tucked away, thinking that Naruto would disappear again; Once a junkie, always a junkie. Right? – But every time he came home, Naruto was still there. From sweating like a stuck pig on the couch, cursing every moving object and replacing his heroin habit with a cigarette habit, to playing instruments, picking fights on the internet, and bumping the music really loud so he could thrash around the living quarters, Naruto was back to his over-hyper self. And somehow, he had ended up becoming a permanent fixture on Sasuke’s couch.

 

To celebrate 16 days completely sober, Sasuke walks with Naruto down to the convenience store and they buy a 24 pack of beer. Nowhere did they ever agree that they would change into model citizens. If Naruto thought he was ready to drink again, then Sasuke was ready to drink with him again. With Naruto in his life 24/7 now, there was no time to debate his feelings, no time to second guess. He went with his first reaction and he found himself agreeing to everything Naruto wanted to do.

 

They step out of the small cinderblock building and onto the street. The store was located in a residential area, so roads were lined with parked cars and traffic moved slow when it passed by. Even though it wasn't officially fall, the weather had started to rapidly cool, the wind making it feel even more brisk than it actually was. They head up the street, Sasuke with his hands stuffed far down into his pocket, his hoodie up, and the collar of jean jacket flipped to keep the wind off his neck, and Naruto wearing what was obviously Shikamaru’s clothes, baggy military cargo pants, tucked into ankle high boots. The jacket he wore was both tactile and covered in patches. Naruto stops a few steps out the door. He shifts the 24 pack to one hand and slowly unzips his jacket with the other.

 

“Shh, baby,” Naruto coos to the box of beer. “Daddy’s gonna treat you real nice.” He tucks the box into his jacket, slanting it a little so it would rest against his forearm, like an infant. He lovely zips up his jacket and gave the top of the box a few strokes on the corner where it pops out the top of the fabric.

 

Sasuke watches the lunatic and wonders if Naruto’s brain was too fried to be salvaged.

 

“What the fuck?” He asks, sounding equal parts amazed and disturbed.

 

“Shut up, Sasuke! I’m taking care of our Beer Baby.” Naruto responds sharply, clutching the box close to his chest and slightly shifting away from Sasuke. They finish the walk home with Sasuke pretending like he wasn’t walking with the weirdo treating a pack of beer like a baby.

 

They fill up the rest of the day drinking too fast, so fast that they have to make another trip down to the convenience store, the whole time Naruto complaining they should just walk a little further to buy a bottle of booze. Sasuke ignored him, but once they got to the store and Sasuke continued walking it took only a slight hesitation from Naruto -- a stunted _“Hey, loser, the store is—”_ before Naruto shuts up, shakes his head and runs to catch up with the dark-haired man, calling him a bastard not too quietly.

 

Sasuke bought a half gallon of whiskey at the liquor store and they walk back leisurely, passing the brown bagged bottle between the two not too discreetly, neither scared of the consequences of drinking in public.

 

Naruto instigates a game of slap boxing once they got back to Sasuke’s house, resulting in both having bright cherry red cheeks, a chair with a broken leg, and Sasuke pinning Naruto down with his knees digging into Naruto’s upper arms. He smiles triumphantly down at the other man who tries to buck him off but can’t with Sasuke sitting so firmly on his upper chest.

 

“Uncle!” Naruto shouts at him.

 

Sasuke grunts and takes a long, slow, swig of whiskey straight from the bottle. “Ain’t no uncle in this game, sweet cheeks.”

 

Naruto growls in return, clearly not enjoying being pinned down. Sasuke leans down close to him, a drunk smile on his face. He flexes his hips to emphasize the proximity of his crotch to Naruto’s chin. “You know, I think I can get used to this view.”

 

“For someone who accused me for being all talk and no action, you sure are playing.”

 

Sasuke is drunk enough that his sneer looks like a smirk. He leans in closer to Naruto, shifting down on the angle that he sat on Naruto to allow his lips to graze the shell of Naruto’s ear, and whispers, “I’m just a cat playing with its catch.”

 

Naruto’s eyes widen, then become heavily hooded. He looks at Sasuke, so close that he can feel his hot breath on his cheek, and he responses with a devilish smirk. He licks his lips and says, “Be careful kitty cat. This catch has fangs.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t think, the alcohol in his system mixed in with the sensation of having Naruto between his legs incites him to close the gap between their lips. The change in angles frees Naruto’s arms and they wrap around Sasuke’s head, keeping him exactly were Naruto wanted him as Naruto shifts his face and opens his lips, releasing his hot tongue and pushing it between Sasuke’s lips, which opens immediately to the intrusion.

 

Sasuke vaguely sits the bottle down and palms Naruto’s face, keeping it still so he could thoroughly and enthusiastically kiss him. He uses his other arm to prop himself against the floor, sliding his body lower down Naruto’s to go from sitting on his chest to sitting on his hips. Naruto fists his hair and in return Sasuke moves his hand to Naruto’s neck, slightly squeezing.

 

The kiss breaks and they hover, panting, both pairs of lips red to match their burning cheeks. Sasuke flexes his hips again, and Naruto pushes back with his own.

 

“Is this what you want?” Sasuke teases, gyrating down some more. Naruto grabs his ass and pulls his roughly against him.

 

“Fuck, yes.”

 

Lips crash together again, teeth nipping at skin and tongues battling for dominance. Sasuke is so hard he hurts and from the feeling of the poking appendage being rubbed again his groin, he thinks Naruto must be in the same state. He gives Naruto’s neck one last squeeze before parting from him again, sitting up straight.

 

Sasuke unsnaps his pants and pulls down the zipper. Naruto props himself on elbows and hungrily watches.

 

“You know what to do with this?” Sasuke asks, freeing his cock from the restraints of his clothes and giving it a taunting stroke.

 

Naruto licks his lips and pushes Sasuke off him, quickly getting to his knees between Sasuke’s legs and pulling his pants and undergarments completely off. “I’ve sucked a few cocks in my life.”

 

“Prove it.” Sasuke goads.

 

Naruto takes Sasuke’s dick in his hand and strokes it a few times, adding firm pressure to the top every time his hand passed over the head. His smile looks playful and the sinful gleam in his eyes makes him look like a blonde-haired devil. He keeps eye contact, leans down and drags the pad of his tongue roughly against the underside of Sasuke’s cock from frenum to tip. Sasuke’s heart races and the view of tattooed fingers wrapped around his cock makes his balls tighten with want.

 

With a firm grip on the base and the other hand planted on Sasuke’s hip, Naruto starts working Sasuke’s cock pass his lips, every centimeter he covered coating in saliva and passed on the next downward motion. In no time his lips meet his fist. His lips wrap tightly around the throbbing member, his cheeks hollowed with the effort, and with every slow drag he makes sure to push his tongue against the underside of Sasuke’s cock, wrapping the muscle as a cradle around the shaft. He keeps up the pace for god-knows how long, eye contact never breaking with Sasuke who is having trouble keeping the moans in every time Naruto descends. Sasuke leans back on one hand, the impish grin on his face showing his appreciation for the other man’s skills. Naruto definitely was not disappointing and Sasuke was trying to remember why he pushed the other man away the first time they had kissed.

 

Sasuke’s hand glides across Naruto’s handle on his hip, his fingers dipping under his shirt to raise it up and stroke his abdomen. He loves having his stomach and chest touched. He is thin enough that what muscle mass he has looked defined under his pale skin. He played with the thin, baby fine trail of black hair that trickled up to his bellybutton, then slides his hand further up to his pecs, taking one pierced nipple between the pads of his fingers and twisting it the barbell. After each twist he would rub his thumb over the perk tip then twist again. He groans at the sensation of his hardening nipple along with the feeling of Naruto’s warm mouth.

 

Naruto smiles around Sasuke’s cock and on his next ascension, he presses the head of the dick against his cheek, pushing it as he pulls it out of his mouth, allowing it to pop out between his lips. Sasuke groans again. Naruto’s chuckle is mischievous in response as he gives Sasuke’s cock a few firm tugs then faintly holds the head against his lips as he slurps on it, not fulling in contact with the appendage. The sound of the action was more erotic than the action itself, and it inspired Sasuke to stop tweaking his own nipple and to instead grab the back of Naruto’s head and force him to deep throat. Naruto moaned as Sasuke flexed his hips up and felt the head of his cock pass down Naruto’s throat.

 

“Ugh, fuck.” Sasuke moaned. He was trying to remember the last time he had his dick sucked so thoroughly and he was pulling out blanks. Using his hold on Naruto’s head, Sasuke pulled Naruto up, Naruto gasping a little for air but still looking lustful as hell, and crashed their lips together.

 

Hands scrambled to pull off shirts, both men only breaking apart for the fraction of it second it took to disrobe themselves, before they continued their exploration of each other’s body. Naruto’s hands rubbed up and down his torso, fingering the barbells that were pierced through each nipple, giving them both a hard, quick pinch, before running his nails down Sasuke’s side. Sasuke moaned hard, his hand still resolutely in Naruto’s hair. He used his grip to pull back Naruto’s head, exposing his neck. Sasuke nipped and licked Naruto’s skin before descending to bite at the flesh of Naruto’s neck. Naruto whined in response, fumbling to pop the button on his pants to release the pressuring building up behind his zipper. Sasuke detached himself for a minute to help the other man with the last article of clothing separating their two bodies, and once the last limb was free and socks were thrown over his shoulder, Sasuke took a minute to hungrily look at the body he was preparing to feast upon.

 

“Like what you see?” Naruto asked, a cocky expression on his face. He grabs the bottle of liquor from where it had been abandoned next to them and props back on his hand while he takes a deep gulp, his legs casually spread open and his body posture relaxed although it was being scrutinized by feeding eyes watching his bobbing adam apple as his throat opened and closed around the bitter liquid.

 

Naruto was boney, almost sickly. Although Sasuke had been forcing him to eat, being on a bender for almost 3 months had taken its toll on Naruto’s already thin frame. Sasuke could tell that if Naruto was to fill out, he would be buff. His shoulders were wide, his waist narrow, the perfect mouthwatering triangle frame of a man. Other than his tattooed fingers, Naruto only had a random spatter of tattoos, the one large trident on his forearm, a few random stick-and-pokes on the other arm, and something large on the side of his calf. He had defined muscles in his arms and legs but even those looked like they had loss some mass when Sasuke compares them to what he remembers. It was a struggle to get Naruto to eat, but Sasuke didn’t think it was because of a disorder. He had to convince Naruto that it was okay to eat what was in the house and Naruto always looked guilty whenever he ate something that he had not purchased. Sasuke thought the act was ridiculous for a man who didn’t even had a job.

 

Regardless of all those things, Naruto was the textbook definition of masculine. He was all rough edges and flat planes, his hands and feet were large, and anyone could tell by the way he held himself that he was comfortable in his skin. He was hairy, his legs and arms covered in a honey blonde fuzz, his public hair was thick yet groomed, the trail that connected to his belly button and farther up, dusting his pecs in a manner that hinted at Naruto’s youth, was thinner but just as wiry. Sasuke gave himself a mental pat on the back for showing the other man where he kept the clippers and razors in the bathroom.

 

“Not too bad.” Sasuke replied, teasingly. Naruto’s hmphed, fisting his own engorged hard-on, looking at Sasuke with a challenging grin. “Like you could do better.”

 

Sasuke’s shrug was nonchalant but his face was smug. He stood up and said, “Hang on.”

 

Naruto raised the mostly empty bottle up in a salute and took another drink. Sasuke walks into his room, naked as the day he was born, and grabs a condom and some lube from his bedside table. When he returns Naruto had moved to the couch, one arm slung across the back, still nursing the bottle, his hard cock erect and leaning to the side, nestling at the junction of his hip. Sasuke takes the bottle from Naruto, drinks a bit more, then places it on the coffee table. It's practically empty.

 

“Lean back.” He directs Naruto, who follows instructions, inching his butt farther from the back of the couch to recline. Sasuke opens the condom and bends between Naruto’s knees, placing the bottle of lube next to himself on the floor. He strokes Naruto’s dick a few times, sucking on the head, then slips the condom on. He smirked at Naruto, who patiently watched. Grabbing the lube, he squeezed a good amount onto the tops of his fingers and reaches behind himself to quickly prepare his ass. He only gave it a little attention, slipping one finger in and out, swirling the lube inside the tight muscle and around it.

 

Turning around, he places one foot on the outside of Naruto’s hip, keeping the other on the floor. He bends forward to take hold of Naruto’s cock between his legs, then eases down on Naruto’s member, directing it where he wanted it to go. Naruto’s hands clasps Sasuke’s waist and he scoots another inch up to place his ass on the edge of the sofa. The descension is slow, Sasuke’s asshole was tight and he hadn’t had sex in a while. When the tip pops past the first ring, Sasuke feels a tingle that goes straight up his spine and down all his limbs, making them feel like lead, but Naruto’s grasp holds him steady. He straightens up, letting go of his hold on Naruto’s dick to grab the back of the couch, and inches down at snail’s pace, occasionally rising a fraction up to only seat himself further down. By the time he had worked half of Naruto’s cock into his narrow passage, Naruto’s nails where digging into Sasuke's flesh in an attempt to keep himself composed. If Sasuke had looked back in that moment, he would have seen Naruto with his head throw back, his mouth agape, and a look of ecstasy on his face.

 

His motions become more fluid, using his knees and the back of the couch to steady himself as he takes more of Naruto inside. He starts to speed up as the heavy-lead feeling was replace with tingles of pleasure racing up and down his spine. Changing the position by twisting his torso a little, he moves the hand on the back of the couch to be on the other sides of Naruto’s head and leans back, so he could kiss the man while he moves up and down, swirling his hips around.

 

Panting noise fill the room along with the occasional slap of skin against skin. God, he loved the sound of flesh hitting flesh. The rhythm speeds up more, Naruto using his hands to push Sasuke down while he thrusts his hips up to meet the other man. Curses flew from their mouths as their pleasure took over the moment.

 

“Fuck yes, Sasuke. Ride my cock.” Naruto pants, between sloppy kisses. One hand moves to cup a butt cheek while the other moves up to flick at a nipple. Sasuke’s bucks his hips wildly, the tilted angle pushing Naruto’s cock forward in its sheath so that it’s length rubbed against his prostate. This position was killer on his thighs and knees, but it did wonders for his orgasms.

 

When Sasuke throws his head back, parting their lips, Naruto takes the chance to bites at Sasuke’s nipple closest to his face. He flicked his tongue on the little bud, biting down and catching the barbell between his teeth. He licks at flesh of Sasuke's pec, biting and then licking at Sasuke's armpit.

 

“Ugh, fuck!” Sasuke whimpered. “Make it fucking hurt.”

 

The words are barely out of his mouth when his world flips. He goes from bouncing up and down on Naruto’s cock to being stretched over the couch, both knees on the cushions. He doesn’t have time to think about how Naruto managed the change in position, only barely registers the absence of the dick in has ass before it’s being slammed back into him again, one of Naruto’s hands bruising his hip while the other grabbed the hair at the base of his neck, using it to pull Sasuke back while he thrusts forward.

 

Sasuke loses all composure and screams. “Uhh! Yes!”

 

He turns his head around, both hands holding onto the back of the couch for dear life as his ass is pounded into mercilessly. He growls at Naruto, “Fuck. Me.”

 

Naruto does just that. He starts to slap Sasuke’s ass every few thrusts, steadily slapping the orbs harder and harder until Sasuke can’t help but scream with every hit. He feels his balls tighten, feels his asshole clinch and flex uncontrollably, feels the sensation creep up his toes and through the back of his knees as his orgasm slams through him like rush of water breaking through a levee. He lets out another long-suffering noise, something between a scream and a moan, sounding disgustingly wanton while he cum covers the couch cushion. He couldn’t even think to try to keep himself from making a mess.

 

He barely waits for himself to finish before he pushes the other man away, manhandling Naruto back onto the couch and unceremoniously ripping the condom off his dick so that he can stuff it down the back of his throat. He hums around Naruto’s cock, a symphony of cursing parting from Naruto’s lips as he grabs the back of Sasuke’s head and thrusts viciously into Sasuke’s mouth. Naruto face-fucks Sasuke until Sasuke feels Naruto’s member bulging and pulsing in his mouth, hot liquid filling the cavern and being forced down his lax gag-reflex.

 

“Holy shit. Holy shit.” Naruto groans as he pulls Sasuke’s face off his crotch once he finishes his orgasm, holding onto the base of his cock. He slaps the rapidly wilting member against Sasuke’s lip.

 

“Holy shit.” He repeats, the words laced with utter amazement. Sasuke wraps his arm around the back of Naruto’s neck and pulls him down for a filthy, cum filled, kiss.

 

 

\----

 

 

Sasuke wakes up the following day on the couch when he had drunkenly fallen asleep with Naruto after the longest fuck-fest he had been a part of in a while. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so utterly spent.

 

The first thing he notices, though, is that he is alone. He gets up off the couch and stretches his muscles which were tight from sleeping in a cramped space. What kind of idiot sleeps on his own couch? He berates his drunk self for just not cuddling with Naruto in his bed.

 

He looks around his wrecked living room. His clothes he had been wearing the night before were thrown all over room. The bottle of liquor they had finished had somehow ended up on the floor, on it’s side. Empty beer cans covered the top of all surfaces and Sasuke spies ashes on the lid of one, evidence that Naruto had smoked in the house.

 

_That fucker_ , he thought indignantly.

 

The house is quiet. Too quiet.

 

No noises came from the bathroom nor the kitchen, and when Sasuke walks into the only bedroom, his bedroom, Naruto was not asleep on Sasuke’s bed like he had the habit of doing when Sasuke wasn’t home. He pulls on a pair of sweats, not bothering with a shirt although it was cool in his house. He opens the front door, but there was no sign of Naruto outside.

 

It’s then that he starts to feel dread. It doesn’t make sense. Sasuke mulls over where Naruto could go and although he wanted to give the man the benefit of a doubt; maybe he walked down to the store – with what money? Maybe he went over to a friend’s place – okay, sorta likely -- regardless, Sasuke still found himself ending up at the same conclusion.

 

Naruto left him. Probably to go get high.

 

He curses loudly, kicking the door closed behind him hard enough to rattle the windows. Fuck, he was so stupid. Two weeks sober wasn’t long enough, he told himself. Drinking last night had caused the other man to relapse. Naruto had probably woken up fiending, used the cell phone Shikamaru had given him, hit up a dealer, and was gone.

 

He angrily makes himself a cup of coffee, throwing the ingredients around and spilling coffee grinds on his counter top. He doesn’t stop to clean up his mess.

 

He paces around his house, now not even aware of the chill in the air as he fumed red hot. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to scream. He wanted to jump in his car and drive to every location he had ever seen Naruto, so he could find him and beat him to death. Why? What was so bad about life that he rather live in the heroin haze? That shit was so stupid! The way it makes people nod off and drool on themselves made Sasuke sick. He wanted to find whoever had introduced Naruto to the drug, and slit their throat. He wanted to storm into Shikamaru’s house and yell at him, ask him why he allowed him to convince himself that this drug habit wasn’t a big fucking deal.

 

When the coffee cup was drained, Sasuke threw it against the wall, shattering the cup and leaving a massive hole in it’s wake. It fit right along with the four holes on to the opposite wall where Sasuke had rammed his fist through the plaster not long before.

 

He roughly pulls on his shirt from the night before, ignoring the glass on the ground and the cum on his couch and the utter anguish in his heart. He shoves his feet into his shoes, finds his wallet, and leaves, not bothering to lock his door. Not bothering to even check that it closed behind him as he slammed him way out of his house.

 

He couldn’t stay there without attempting to burn the place down. He needed a fucking drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, did I ever mention how utterly dysfunctional and unhealthy these two are?


	9. Cold Hearts (or Warm Blood)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any pacing issues, as well as general lameness of the chapter. I wanted to show more sides of Naruto.

Sasuke could tell he was cold although he did not feel cold. He had left the house in such a rush he had not bothered to grab a jacket. In the late summer sun this had not been an issue, but now as he stumbled back home in the dark he knew somewhere in the back of his head he was cold. Somewhere he could feel the brisk air and how it caused goose bumps to raise on his forearms, but his mind did not register the temperature of his body. The disconnect between the sensations of his body and the fog in his brain was alcohol induced. Sasuke felt like cotton was stuffed between his ears, creating a sense of the fuzzes in all matters of the cognitive world.

 

He was still upset, but he felt like that feeling was miles away and although he could swim through the sea of thick fibers to reach that emotion, he rather just not. He would rather just sink into the cotton-feeling, as one would do when submitting to mud.

 

But what was the point of feeling upset? What was the point of feeling anything at all? Emotions lead to weakness and weakness lead to failure and Sasuke was not a failure. Nope, fuck that. Sasuke was fucking amazing. He was going to do his thing and ignore everyone else and forget about ever thinking he wanted to change or open up or be in any time of relationship beyond casual acquaintanceship.

 

He really didn’t think about the fact that the living room lights where on in his house, barely registering that he was even nearing his house as his legs worked through muscle memory. He opens the unlocked front door without thinking about trying for his keys and stumbles through the doorway, his eyes unfocused.

 

“Damn! If I knew you were out drinking, I would of joined you.”

 

Sasuke’s eyes shot up immediately, not expecting to hear the voice in his house; having already submitted to the knowledge that he was alone, again. All alone. Not good enough to keep away a serious drug addict away from his vices, left to drown in his own emotions.

 

He thought his eyes might be deceiving him. Had he drunk so much that he was now hallucinating? It wasn’t unheard of to be randomly roofied at the bars. He blinked a few times, attempting to clear his sight. Naruto stood in the doorway to the kitchen, his shoulder against the doorframe and his hands casually in his pockets. A cigarette hung from his lips and Sasuke found himself not even caring.

 

Naruto was there, in the flesh, not strung out in a drug den. It was a struggle, but Sasuke controlled the look of wonder that threaten to take over his slack features. He controlled the swell of emotions that gripped his heart and effected his breathing. He let out of huff of air, attempting to sound put-out, and closed the open door behind him.

 

“Where did you go this morning?” Sasuke asks with a slight slur, in the most nonchalant manner he can muster while kicking off his shoes. He notices the living room had been clean, all the bottles and cans were gone, and clothing had been moved out of the middle of the floor.

 

Naruto shrugged, “Shikamaru hooked me up with a job interview.”

 

Sasuke didn’t do a great job managing his reaction this time, his eyebrows raised, and shock lit up his face. He wondered why Naruto hadn’t mentioned it the day before. He settles with, “Word. How did that go?”

 

He moves further into the room, walking towards the other man as if being summoned by an unknown force. Naruto straightens, a little bit of ash falling from the cigarette precariously balancing between his lips.

 

“It’s just a dishwashing job,” Naruto begins. Sasuke takes the cigarette out of Naruto’s mouth and puffs on it once he reaches the doorframe. Naruto continues, “But homeboy said if I stick around he’ll let me work the grill.”

“Nice.” Sasuke smirks lowing the cigarette from his mouth and grabbing the collar of Naruto’s shirt to smash their lips together. Smoke rises from his nostrils and between their lips as they messily kiss, Naruto steading himself by placing a hand on Sasuke’s forearm as Sasuke misjudged the distance, throwing their balance a little.

 

It was so easy to forget the hours of wallowing he had just submitted himself too. So easy to forget the doubts, and the anger, and the awful feeling of not being good enough. Somewhere, maybe still caught in the cotton between Sasuke’s ears, he knew this was wrong. This was bad. This flip flopping of emotions was dangerous. It felt like he was constantly attempting to jump out of windows only to find himself stepping through doorways instead.

 

“Fuck!” Naruto exclaims breaking the kiss and taking hold of Sasuke’s shoulders. “You are cold as hell.”

 

“Warm me up.” Is all Sasuke says before attaching himself back to Naruto’s mouth. Naruto grabs a hold of Sasuke’s hair and pulls the black-haired man off him, that impish smirk from the night before back on his face.

 

“Anything you say, whiskey-breath.”

 

 

\----

 

 

Being around other people was the last thing Sasuke felt like doing. He wanted to stay at home, preferably between the sheets, swapping fluids with Naruto like they had been doing regularly the last few weeks.

 

But no, Naruto wanted to get out of the house and be social. Sasuke had always thought that he was the type of person who always got what they wanted, when they wanted, but Naruto was quickly schooling him on that front, because it took every ounce of control to not ask Naruto _“how high?”_ every time Naruto suggested they should jump. He could hear a voice in the back of his head that sounded like TenTen, accusing him of being dicknotized.* Sasuke knew such a thing was utter bullshit.

 

Such a situation was the exact reason he was currently in a stranger’s dimly lit living room, Naruto sitting on the arm of the lounge chair Sasuke currently occupied, with a group of five other people variously placed around the space, all huddled under blankets, with beer, liquor, a bong, and a bowl of popcorn being passed around haphazardly, while the group gathered in what they called “B.Y.O.B.B.B.B Movie Night.”

 

Sasuke had thought he knew why B.Y.O.B. meant, until he was told that this group included bongs, blunts, and bowls in the mix. He had no issue with any of that.

 

The movie selection, on the other hand, was a problem. Sasuke couldn’t remember, didn’t want to remember, the last time he had watched a child’s movie. He was having a hard time believing in his mid-twenties he was doing so willingly with a group of people of the same age-range, all of which considered themselves metal, or goth, or crust-punk, or according to the thin blonde-haired woman, Ino, (who Sasuke remembered from Shikamaru’s house) when Naruto had asked her what the fuck she was wearing; “I’m a fucking unicorn, I wear what I want.”

 

Beyond Ino the Unicorn, Sasuke was introduced to a pasty white, rail thin, musical theatre looking type man named Sai who glaze looked vapid. Sasuke said hi to Choji, who he had also meet at Shikamaru’s house, as well as to Shikamaru and Kiba who were also present.

 

Naruto’s group of friends made a game out of B.Y.O.B.B.B.B Movie Night, proving to Sasuke they did this far too often. The current choice was “Homeward Bound”, and the rules had been fleshed out during the opening commercials.

 

“It’s simple. A shot for every time Chance freaks out over food, someone says “Here, boy!”, or when Shadow explains something scientifically.” Naruto instructs, handing Sasuke his glass to prepare for the opening scene.

 

Ino pipes in next while equally distributing a case of beer, “Chug a beer every time you see a bear, mountain lion, skunk, or pretty much any animal that is not a dog or--”

 

“Where’s the T.T. you cunt?” Naruto yells at her with indignation interrupting her explanation. He picks up a cheap canned beer and shakes it in her face, a look of utter disgust causes his lips to curl up.

 

“I’m not chugging that sugar-y malt crap!” Ino snaps back at him, flipping him off.

 

“Blasphemy! This is why you’re still single, you failure.” Naruto shots back, shrugging as if there was nothing that could change that.

 

“I’m going to shove one of these cans down your throat!” She threatens. Sasuke watches Sai’s eye bounce between the two, a false smile breaking his dead features. Sasuke realizes he looks like an alien, and it makes him feel even more uncomfortable around him.

 

“Bothersome.” Shikamaru mutters as he works on rolling the perfect blunt, hunched over the tray he was using.

 

“Ino is just upset she is the only female in the group now that Sakura doesn’t come around because she is pregnant.” Naruto dismisses her and turned back to Sasuke, pulling their pile of beer close to the lounge chair.

 

At this, Sasuke sits up straight, suddenly very interested in this group. The shock must be apparent on his face because Naruto jumps a little and looks down at him like he thought Sasuke might be a loose cannon. Sasuke asks, feeling ready to run for the hills, “Sakura? You mean Sakura Haruno?”

 

“Yeah. You know her? Dyed pink hair. Billboard sized forehead. Got knocked up by a guy with eyes brows the size of her forehead? Perfect match in my opinion.” Ino states. The had movie started and the only person paying attention was Kiba.

 

“Shots!” He yells. Everyone drinks, then goes right back to the conversation. Kiba fills everyone’s glass again.

 

Sasuke, sucking air through his teeth as the liquid burned his throat, continues, “Yeah, I know her. She stalked me for years. I had a restraining order against her.”

 

“What!?” Naruto and Ino shout in unison, both leaning in a little closer to hear the gossip. Sai laughs.

 

“No shit.” Shikamaru says, sounding amused.

 

“Pay attention and drink, you assholes!” Kiba yells before throwing back another shot. Everyone follows suit.

 

“What the hell! I tried to get in her pants for years!” Naruto says indignantly, looking offended. It’s Sasuke to curl his lip in disgust. Who would want to fuck that?

 

Sai finally speaks up, “Who’s pants haven’t you tried to get into?”

 

“Yours!” Naruto yells, without missing a beat, throwing a handful of popcorn in Sai’s general direction.

 

Sasuke ignores the fight and tells Ino, “I haven’t seen her in years. I finally let the restraining order lapse not long ago because she stopped coming around. I heard she had gotten pregnant.”

 

Ino nods excitedly. She opens her mouth to continue talking but is interrupted when Shikamaru places the blunt in front of her. “Stop talking and smoke.”

 

The conversation lolls. Sasuke finds himself drinking far too much, too quickly, without paying any attention to the movie, lost in the thoughts regarding his stalker. She had made his life living hell for years. He didn’t know exactly how they had first meet, he just remembered the strange poetry being left under the windshield wipers of his car, things going missing from random places, and catching a pink-head individual in his peripheral vision. She was everywhere. She’d leave boxes of with mixed tapes, panties, and love letters in his mail box. He had to change his number not once, but twice because he would get calls from random numbers, constantly ringing him for hours at a time. The voicemails where the worst part. It was clear the woman on the other line was obsessed for reasons that was beyond Sasuke’s comprehension.

 

At first, he thought if he just ignored her she would go away. He didn’t read the poetry, he’d throw away everything that was left for him, he’d leave a location if he saw her there. He refused to bring the boxes inside his house. He refused to answer her phone calls and deleted the voicemails immediately.

 

It wasn’t until he moved out of the house he was sharing with his brother and into his first apartment that he started feeling like he was in danger. Once he came home to his window smashed and his drawers ransacked. Another time his power line was cut, and he swore he could see the woman trying to peep through his windows while he angrily sat on the phone with his power company trying to figure out what happened. It was then that he started called the police. Sasuke hated the police, so taking it to that level was a hard decision.

 

When he took her to court, it was easy to prove that she was stalking him. He had friends who witness the behavior, surveillance camera footage from his old house, and Itachi surprised him after revealing he had kept some of the letters that she had left around his car and at the house. It helped that his brother was a lawyer, not that he asked for the help, but Itachi had been present during the beginning of the stalking. She had gotten slapped with a strict restraining order. He only had to call the police another two times for breeching the order before she stopped sneaking around his house. From then on out, everything was done at a distance.

 

She continued show up randomly, just a glimpse and then she was gone. His friends would report that she would show up minutes after he had left an area, like just knowing that she was present where he had been only minutes. It continued for at least another year, before suddenly she stopped showing up. Gossip had swept back to him, the news of the popular pink haired girl getting knocked up. He had rejoiced.

 

It started to make sense why Sasuke didn’t know this group. Sakura had made it impossible for him to want to be around her, and by extension he didn’t know any of her friends. His friends only knew _of_ her and he had made a distinct effort to not to get to know her or anyone around her.

 

He looks to Naruto, who is puffing on the blunt, eyes glued to the TV screen. If Sakura hadn’t stalked him, would he had meet the blonde sooner? Would this had been his group of friends, instead of sticking with only TenTen and Neji? Would he had been able to know Naruto before he had fallen into addiction? Would Naruto had still tried--

 

He mentally slams the door on that stupid train of thought and turns back to the TV as Naruto, not even glancing at him, passes the blunt to Sasuke. Sasuke takes a hit and considers the movie. How could anyone enjoy this trash? Not even high or drunk could Sasuke get into it. More than once he found himself rolling his eyes and he felt no remorse when he held the blunt for just a little too long. Anyone would need to be extremely high to find this movie good.

 

Except, everyone in the room was completely engage (well, minus Shikamaru, but he tended to always look bored.) Everyone “ohh-ed” and “ahh-ed” at the right moments, whoever had the bowl of popcorn would throw kernels at the TV when they didn’t like the scene, Kiba clocked everyone and made sure every shot and every beer was drank when it was supposed to be drank. Ino had a really annoying habit of yelling at the movie every time the three animal protagonists faced hardship. She cussed at the family when they left the animals at the ranch, cussed the guys in animal control, and cussed in general; sighting how something was unfair, or was animal cruelty, or “heart-breaking.”

 

And Naruto, Sasuke realized, was the worse. He was chiming in right along with Ino. He almost spilt his beer on Sasuke twice while making obscene hand gestures at the TV, and somewhere towards the middle of the movie, he started to get the sniffles.

 

At first, Sasuke didn’t think much about it. The room was filled with smoke from the constant blunt cruising among the group, and it was getting colder daily, so runny noses was common.

 

The sniffling gets louder, and more consistent. Sasuke looks to the boy, hunched forward fully engaged with the TV, who state on the air of his chair with his feet propped over Sasuke and resting on the other arm of the chair, and his eyes were red rimmed. He drags the sleeve of his shirt across his nose and clears his throat again, Sasuke’s glance being ignored once more.

 

It’s not until the golden retriever can’t get out of the hole that Sasuke can’t ignore the sound anymore. He looks a third time, and Naruto isn’t even trying to hide the tears running down his cheeks in massive rivets.

 

“Are you crying?” Sasuke asks in disbelief.

 

“I’m not crying! You’re crying! Bastard!” Naruto yells at him, only taking his eyes off the TV for a bare second before turning his attention back to the screen.

 

Sasuke raises his eyebrow.

 

“It’s just so sad! He is such a good boy!” Naruto ugly cries.

 

“Shut the fuck up and drink, cry baby!” Kiba yells back at Naruto.

 

“This is such a good movie, I just can’t even deal!” Naruto whines, as tears drops fall into his shot glass.

 

Sasuke isn’t sure what planet he woke up on today, but it damn sure wasn’t earth. He drinks his shot and wonders when the fuck he will get to go home.

 

 

\----

 

 

The rain had caught them midday, although it had been threatening to break all morning. Naruto, even with a job to keep him busy, still found himself antsy at the idea of staying indoors for too long and had once again convinced Sasuke that they should _go do something._

 

Something, this time, was at least less painful than the _something_ from a few days prior. Sasuke could die happy without having to watch another Disney movie ever again, he figures. He slightly twitches as the memories of Naruto’s puffy red eyes came back to him and covers up the moment by throwing back a large gulp of beer. He sat on the back of bench, Naruto perched next to him and a stranger on the other side of Naruto. The awning was barely three feet wide and if Sasuke wanted to get wet from the sheets of rain falling from the sky all he needed to do was move his feet to the edge of the bench.

 

Naruto was leaning forward on his elbows, his ever-present cigarette bobbing up and down between his lips as he vaguely motioned with a gloved hand, talking distractedly to whomever had decided to give him a call. Sasuke kept his eyes on the blonde-haired devil and read the emotions as they flashed across his increasingly easier to read complexion. Naruto hadn’t cut his hair all summer since the clean shave he sported shortly after returning from traveling earlier that year and now his hair hung to his shoulders, covering his eyes and ears again, windswept in a manner that Sasuke intimately knew was effortless on Naruto’s part. The dark hybrid glove/mittens Naruto had found in Sasuke’s winter drawer halfway covered the ink that decorated his knuckles. Sasuke absently watched those thick fingers as the toyed with the cigarette butt, rolling it between thumb and forefinger, flicking at the end to send ash flying away in the heavy wet air.

 

In the past month since they had started sleeping together, Naruto had rapidly gained weight. Sasuke could tell he was still slightly underweight, but the curve of his elbows and knees no longer looked so defined by thinly stretched skin. With his first paycheck he had purchased a new pair of jeans that fit him much better than any of the hand-me-downs friends had given him. Sasuke, of course, found the view very pleasing.

 

“That’s fucking stupid.” Naruto’s sharp words drag Sasuke out of his wondering thoughts. Naruto is angry, one heel has started to bounce aggressively, and the cigarette butt is being violently pinched between finger tips.

 

“Yeah.” He says an affirmative, all the while shaking his heads negatively. “Yeah. Ok.”

 

He falls quiet again, Sasuke can hear the muttering voice taking fast on the line. He bumps his knee against Naruto’s and takes the cigarette from him. Naruto looks to him as he takes in a drag of the deadly toxins and Sasuke can see the heat behind those deep blue orbs. Naruto doesn’t break eye contact as he issues his threat to the person on the other line. “Okay, but fuck that. Let me see that spineless motherfucker on the street. He’ll be catching these hands.”

 

Sasuke raises an eyebrow to ask the nonverbal question. Naruto shakes his head, then looks forward. The phone conversation ends with another few affirmatives and explicative crossing Naruto’s lip.  


“What the fuck.” He states, shoving the old smart phone into his pocket. Sasuke puts the cigarette out into the ashtray next to his feet. He keeps his eyes on Naruto, waiting for him to continue like he knows the ticking time bomb will do. Naruto couldn’t always control himself when he got angry, and right now his body language read tense.

 

“You know what really pisses me the fuck off?” Naruto starts, taking the glass from Sasuke and draining the rest of the beverage.

 

“Fuck.” He curses, while wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “Hold that thought. I need another beer. You want your own this time?”

 

Naruto stands up on the bench, his head almost touching the low hanging roof.

 

Sasuke nods his head and goes to pull out his wallet. Naruto shakes his head and pushes Sasuke back, so he can step over his lap, staying on the dry bench for as long as his could until he got to the end, hopped off and took the three giant steps needed to pull open the door to the concession store and bolt inside. Over his shoulder he tells Sasuke, “I got it!”

 

Sasuke rolls his eyes at the man’s antics, but relaxes his back against the glass front of the building and watches the cars as they rolled through the stop sign. Its only a few minutes when Naruto returns with two full glasses from the bar top in the back. The tops of his shoulders were now damp, and he opted to sit on Sasuke’s other side this time, but he looked no worse for wear and slightly less angry than he had before. Sasuke watches him drink from his glass, then sets it down on the bench.

 

“Like I was saying.” He starts, a fresh cigarette appearing between his fingers. Sasuke, who had been keeping his fists tucked in his pocket, materialize the lighter he had been fingering at, presenting the spark to Naruto. Naruto leans forward and lets the cigarette catch fire before he continues.

 

“Fucking people who take advantage of others really fucking pisses me off.”

 

“What happened?” Sasuke asks, drinking from his fresh glass of cold beer.

 

“A friend back home found out her baby daddy has been cheating on her! She is pregnant with child number 2, too! What a fucking lowlife. Why get into a serious relationship if you know you aren’t faithful? There are plenty of people out there that are into open relationships. There is no reason to be such a d-bag.”

 

Naruto’s eyes filled with passion as he spoke. “Anyway, that’s not even the part that pisses me off the most. She tried to kick him out and he called the cops. What kind of fucking loser calls the cops? Fuck cops! The pigs arrested both of them after they did a search of the house and found drug shit.”

 

“Wait. Why did they search the house for a domestic dispute?”

 

“Man, this shit happened in the sticks. Cops will do whatever the fuck they want to out there. Protectin’ and servin’ their own priorities.” Naruto takes another fierce drag of the cigarette then absentmindedly passes it to Sasuke who takes it with no questions.

 

“So he is trying to blame her for that shit, but she claims she has been clean since she found out she was pregnant again – which I believe her – but its become a huge fucking mess now. DSS seized the toddler and shit.” Naruto shakes his head. “Let me get my hands on that fucker. I’ll make him sing.”

 

Sasuke nods again. He thinks he may agree, but at the same time he tended to find it hard to empathize with people and their situations that he felt like could be avoided. He didn’t voice this thought to Naruto though, know he would receive a rant.

 

“People who disrespect women.” Naruto mutters, while hitting his fist against his open palm. Sasuke hands him back the cigarette.

 

“Women?”

 

Naruto nods, looking off into the distance. “Yeah, that toxic masculine bullshit always makes me mad. I’ve witness strong women struggle against it, and it not fucking fair to them. They get the shit end of the stick, you know, forced into a mold they don’t fit into. Used. Degraded.”

 

He snarls. Sasuke is pretty sure Naruto is no longer talking about the friend from the other end of the conversation.

 

Sasuke doesn’t know where the thought came from, but its out his mouth before he truly processes it. “Luckily for me, I’m not interested in women.”

 

Naruto smirks, albeit slightly bitter.

 

“What about dogs?”

 

“They smell, but well-trained ones are cool.” Sasuke responds, easily.

 

“Guess I don’t have to ask you about LGBTQ community either.” Naruto really smirks this time, and leans in a little closer to Sasuke.

 

“Life-time member.” Sasuke states, holding up his right hand as if reciting an oath.

 

“Good. Respect people’s sexuality, women’s rights, the LGBTQ community, and animals, and everything will stay easy for you. Anyone else who gets in my way?” Naruto eyes sparkle with unbridled aggression.

 

“Those are the moments I am the most alive.” He whispers the sinister promise of pain to all his enemy, the threat arousing Sasuke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Dicknotized” – Combination of the words ‘dick’ and ‘hypnotized’. This is a phrase coined by one of my good friends and is used to describe someone who is doing everything possible for someone just because they are getting “good dick” from them. See also, “dicking down”. See also, “pussy whipped.”


	10. Be Mine

 

The decline is so slow that at first Sasuke doesn't see it for what it really is; steady. It takes Sasuke less than a month to start being able to read Naruto's emotions, but it took him another two to figure out that those were only the emotions Naruto _wanted_ him to see.

Keeping his eyes focused on the back of Naruto's head, Sasuke counts the time between each inhale. He is attempting to decide if Naruto was stuck in a nightmare or not asleep at all. Naruto's breathing was labored, but his body was discernibly slack. Sasuke gauges the distance between their bodies on his moderate sized mattress and waits.

In that distant place where Reason resides in his mind, the same part that he tries the hardest to ignore, Sasuke knows he shouldn't be as surprised as he felt with his new view of his life. It unraveled for him while his eyes examine every dip and curl and line of his lover's back. It speaks to him in form.

It was likely the day that Sasuke was called to come pick up Naruto at work because he had swung at a coworker that Sasuke should have seen it, but it takes layers to build up a letdown. Naruto is so much like Sasuke, it scares Sasuke. Naruto is confrontational in such an abrasive manner that it hides the layers and layers of doubt that are obviously debilitating to Naruto's mental health. He guards his wounds like a dog would, growling at friend and foe. It was almost like Naruto had no flight response, everything was fight, fight, fight.

Sasuke tries to think of a time that Naruto asked for anything. Sasuke thinks about Naruto's weight, how hard it is to convince the younger man to take care of himself and his body. He ponders their conversation about women's right and how easily Naruto defends situations and people. He thinks about watching Naruto sock a guy at a concert hall before the bastard could even finish his threat of violence against the opposite gender. He waits to see if the blond will ever mention family.

Sasuke figures he really saw it during the rain storm they had been caught in, at the store, not too long ago. Naruto's eyes showed Sasuke a depth to them he had never witnessed before. Yes, he had seen the madness that lived on the top layer, he had felt the red-hot flames of desire and the electrical pull of masochism right under the insanity, but below all that, barely visible in the endless miasma of Naruto's eyes, Sasuke saw a feeling there he was hesitating to name. It felt like staring into looking glass of another realm.

Then, there were Naruto's longer absences from home or those chilling moments of barely contained angry, punctuated with tiring bouts of sheer energy. Naruto's ever-present need for pain. His enable to turn down a challenge. Everything starts to click. Another piece fit in his puzzle, therefore three also found their home. 

Naruto's body jerks, and a gasp racks through him as if he hadn't been breathing moments before. Sasuke, risking it, reaches forward to pull Naruto against his chest. He wraps his arms tightly across Naruto's first and feels Naruto's heart beating rapidly again his chest, pressing himself firming into the space between the bed and Naruto’s neck.

The surprised pant of air is all Sasuke needs to know that Naruto had been awake the whole time.

 

 

\----

 

 

The first time Naruto doesn't come home for 24 hours, Sasuke drinks a bottle of whiskey and a 12 pack of beer but still pretends the situation doesn't bother him. The sex that following day was violent. Sasuke ties Naruto to the bed, whipping him until the red marks turned purple, then fucks Naruto the slowest he can muster in an oddly primal fit of rage. With each sliding rotation of his hips and slow glide of skin being edged into oblivion, Sasuke told Naruto "You're mine."

When Kiba and Naruto stumble into the house days later, all black eyes, bloody hair, and bruised knuckles, Sasuke watches as they clean their wounds and listens about how they got jumped outside the bar, _but they sure showed those Todds_. Naruto pushes Sasuke against the wall the minute Kiba leaves, resulting in an impromptu wrestling match. When Naruto finally pins Sasuke, both panting heavily with a slight gleam of sweat on their respective foreheads, Naruto wastes no time freeing Sasuke from the confines of his pants and uses spit on Sasuke's winking hole in the world’s most neglectful preparation. That night is not the first night Naruto takes pictures of them in precarious situations, but Sasuke is pretty sure it's the first time they have been shared anonymously on the internet.

It's not the second, but the third time Naruto doesn't come home, when it's been almost 72 hours since Sasuke last heard from Naruto and after Sasuke had received a call from Naruto's boss that said, _'tell him he is fired',_ that Sasuke decks Naruto in the face when he appears.

The deafening silence after the contact lasted only seconds before Naruto swung back. He yells, “You spineless bastard!”

Sasuke ducks, and the fight that follows is bad. Every sprinkle of doubt, worry, and obsession manifests itself in the slapping sound of flesh against flesh. Be it for pain or for pleasure, the sound always did something to Sasuke. It always made him feel some type of way.

“Fuck you Naruto!” Sasuke yells in his face, he has a knee pushing against Naruto’s ribs and wrists grasped tightly in fists. “If you want to just fuck around, then fuck you!”

The results of the fight are conclusive. Sasuke and Naruto are done. No questions are had. No apologies are addressed. Naruto pushes Sasuke him, leaves that night, and he never comes back.

Sasuke does the only thing he knows to do when his is stressed, drinking, and alone. He cleans.

For the next week, Sasuke finds and places items that reminded him of Naruto inside a box. He rips off a patch that Naruto had sown on one of his jackets. He adds any of his clothes that Naruto had worn. Cups that Naruto had claimed, and even trinkets.

It was a ritual of sorts, Sasuke cleaning his house of all things that reminded him of Naruto. Sasuke cleaning to reorganize his mind. Sasuke knowing, he needs to let Naruto go.

He deactivates his useless social media accounts and finds a new bar to frequent. He goes to the hardware store and repairs the holes in living room. He throws away his couch. He buys industrial brand packaging tape and wraps the box up in 3 layers. It is neatly placed on the top shelf in the utility closet where Sasuke could effectively ignore its presence without having to actually deal with its contents. He compartmentalizes, and moves forward.

He stops smoking cigarettes again. He throws himself back into work. He tries to not drink every night until the point of intoxication, but that's not really something he is committed to quite yet. He spends times with his brother for the holidays and bits back every bitter word he wants to throw at Itachi. He has to move forward. There is nothing left in the past.

Sasuke avoids the people who he met through Naruto, afraid of being uprooted again. He goes back to hanging out with TenTen and Neji, and no one speaks about the blonde whirlwind.

 

 

\----

 

 

On the surface, Sasuke was back to himself. He worked, he showed up at just enough social events to satisfy his friends, and he was back to his typical under the table, song and dance, that was his comfort zone regarding his sexuality.

The New Year had come and gone, and winter was still holding on tight although by all definitions it should begin releasing its hold soon. He moves throughout the day like he always did, head held high and a dismissive air surrounding the harsh lines of his cold features.

It's a phone call that ruins the precious balance Sasuke had been able to build under his feet. When he answers, the metallic sound of a computer-generated voice told him, "An inmate at..."

The static in his head clouds out the voice, a ringing in his ears began and it's so loud and distracting that he almost forgot to press 1 to accept the call.

The line clicks. The air shifts in Sasuke cold house, it becomes heavy and with each faint breath he releases, he can hear someone else's breath on the other end echo. The voice on the other end is timid in a way that Sasuke had never heard it before. It stutters, coughs, takes shaky deep breath, then tries to say Sasuke's name again.

Sasuke responds, his heart once again betraying his mind even as it felt like a hand gripped and squeezed relentlessly at the organ in his chest, "Naruto."

A quick sob is heard, then was brought under control from the other side. The chanting begins, "Gods, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Sasuke looks up to his ceiling, thinking about the higher power that Naruto was speaking to. Anger begin to bubble.

"What the fuck is happening. Why am I getting a call from County right now?"

"I went home and fucked up that dude. I hurt him really bad. He deserved it, but I got a charge nonetheless." Naruto says, quickly with a bit of venom in his voice.

"I'm taking a plea deal." He continues, "they are going to release me soon, but I have a year of probation."

Sasuke can't help the next question, and mentally kicked himself for sounding like he cares, "Where?"

The heavy breathing is back again. Sasuke realizes he has asked a question that he doesn't need the answer to, shouldn't want to know the answer to, and really should have not asked at all.

"Sasuke," Naruto whispers across the line, ignoring the question posed to him. "I know sorry's are not good enough, and I'll have to live with that, but for what it's worth... I'm sorry."

Sasuke closes his eye and thinks for a minute before saying, "For what?"

"I know I'm not right in the head, but I still try to pretend like I am. I try to... get close to people." Naruto stops.

Sasuke doesn't know what to say. The line is silent for another minute before Naruto starts talking again. " I shouldn’t. Get close to anyone that is. I'm an addict. I'll always be one. But I want to be clean."

The last sentence is rush as cries break through again. Sasuke listens as another sob is heard and ruffling on the other side sounds like Naruto has wiped his face with his sleeve. Sasuke had watch Naruto do that gesture so many times that it was impossible to not be able to visualize it now. He really did cry too easily.

"I'm not good enough. I was born a fuck up and I'll probably die a fuck up--"

Sasuke cuts him off there. "Naruto, don't feed me that self-deprecating bullshit. You may be an idiot, but you are more than a fuck up."

The yes that is heard over the phone sounds strangled, and Sasuke listens for any more clues. He realizes his pep talk was lacking, but surely Naruto knew what to expect, especially considering where he was calling from.

"It's not just you Naruto." Sasuke supplies, because he feels like this may be the only time he gets to say it. He adds in a whisper, "I could have done things differently too."

Naruto coughs and it sounds wet. His words are ragged and rushed. "I treated us a little like a game before. It was fun watching you react. At first, I thought you would make a great toy, but then you bit back, and I learned that you were not someone to be messed with."

Sasuke allows the corner of his mouth to pull. That wasn't how he remembered the situation, but it was an interesting viewpoint. Naruto had thought Sasuke was the mouse? He thinks about the first time they had sex and remembers Naruto's wide eyes at being call Sasuke's 'catch.'

"You learned quickly."

He can hear the smile on the other line when the response comes, “I'd love to continue to show you just how quickly I learn."

"That's not the trait of a wild card." Sasuke lies.

There is a pause in the conversation again but Sasuke allows it to hang. If he could see Naruto right now, he would know that the other man was doing the exact thing that Sasuke was imagining he was doing. The ink on Naruto’s knuckles is faded in some areas, scabbed in others, but the letters are still clear for all to read the two four-letter words that Naruto embodied with mindless pride.

The truth, even when Sasuke teased and said otherwise, was that Naruto truly is a wild card. He sticks to his honor and defends those he believes deserves it. He was unpredictable, but loyal. He was the opposite, but the same, to Sasuke in so many ways that no matter how much of Naruto he attempted to remove from his life, Sasuke was stuck with the memories he shared with the other man.

"But… Naruto," he says after a minute. "No game is worth playing without one, and you will always be mine."

 

**END.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take a moment to credit music that I listened to on repeat while writing this story. I listened to the albums titled "Oblivion Peaks" and "Pop Culture" both by Knocked Loose, as well as the album "Rogue Taxidermy" by Days N Daze. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting, please feel free to comment below.
> 
> Epilogue to be released shortly.


	11. Epilogue

**3 Years Later**

 

 

**\----**

 

 

The house is dark except for the lone figure sucking on a cigarette, seated on the porch. The noises of the night hummed and clicked and chattered around him, but Naruto paid them no mind. He sat on the stairs, ignoring the lawn furniture for the discomfort of the cold wood. It was habit, truly, that found Naruto keeping low to the ground. When you are homeless for a handful of years, those things tend to get engrained into your psyche. He looks up into the dark expansion of the night sky, undisturbed by city lights. This was the type of sky he would never see in the place he met Sasuke, but he couldn’t help being reminded of the dark-haired man as he stares into the twinkling lights of dead stars.

 

If he wanted to wax-poetic, which sometimes he was known to do just that, he would compare Sasuke to the night sky. Physically, Sasuke was dark. His hair was naturally black, and his eyes sat right on the precipice of being black as well. It was only when Naruto was mere centimeters away from that face that he was able to see the stripes of amber and brown in the details of Sasuke’s pupil. But Sasuke’s skin was pale and the stark difference of his features reminded Naruto of a night sky. Beyond the physical, Sasuke’s personality flickered between controlled passion and measured nonchalance, like a star flashing its radiance one moment then dimming in the next.

 

Naruto had been on a quickly spiraling descent when he had first meet Sasuke. Naruto knew he was not well, knew the stressors in his life had left him with poorly managed cooping mechanisms and sadomasochistic tendencies. He hadn’t really worried about his tango with death, in fact, he embraced it. Longed for the end of his pointless life. Kissed the lips of the devil whenever he felt tempted to do so. Good friends and enemies alike would shrink into the background, shoved into the space of Naruto’s heart where he could allow himself to feel for others but never for himself. His problem was his incapacity to care for himself.

 

No, Naruto had been convinced in his youth that what is born from the mud is forever stuck in the mud, and will be returned in it’s due time. He was a dirty, filthy bastard, created by a wretched world. He had known he would never be more than that.

 

When he first met Sasuke, Naruto had not spent much time thinking about the other man. He had been too consumed in drugs to really pay attention, but Naruto wasn’t an idiot and it had only taken a few moments before his body knew he was being watched. Knowing he was being watched, he put on a show in the only way he had learned how. He flaunted his manliness with aggression and grandeur. He showcased his sexuality and conquests. He didn’t know if what he was doing was a fucked-up mating call or the preliminary taunting before a fist fight, but it was invigorating nonetheless. Sometimes, the build up is better than the climax, so Naruto had always made sure to enjoy his adventures.

 

Really, it was Sasuke’s reaction, like a fly to a bright light, that peaked Naruto’s interest. He wanted to trap Sasuke inside a jar, pull off all his wings, and watch him suffer. Naruto thought Sasuke was exactly like himself, and in so many ways they were, that all it would take was a little bit of foggy haze and Sasuke would be play dough in his hands. Sasuke, proved to be the exact opposite of what Naruto had expected. Even with the perception of Sasuke turning into a soft furry animal just waiting to be scooped up and ‘saved’, when Naruto had moved in for the kill, Sasuke had pushed back.

 

How did the saying go? Oh yes, Naruto knew, the rest of the story is history from there.

 

See. The major difference between Sasuke and Naruto was although both could identify a bad thing, and both were attracted to unsavory situations because they both survived in a lifestyle that wrecked the weak-willed, Naruto always ran straight into his demise, hoping for the end, while Sasuke would sit back, plot and plan, manipulate and question, until he knew how to smit the enemy before him. Sasuke was the survivor, while Naruto was just the unfortunate soul that was too crazy to die.

 

That being said, Naruto had still managed to pull Sasuke in, had still managed to almost drown him in his manic depression. Because that was what it truly was. The two sides of Naruto. The one that built up, and loved, and waited to be loved. And the one who wanted to tear it all down, felt more alive when confronted with hate, and knew no one could ever love someone so comfortable in their own waste.

 

Only in sobriety, could Naruto control the demon inside him. He had known this before, before Sasuke, before his homelessness, before his decent into drug dependency, but he hadn’t wanted it, truly wanted it, before he meet someone like himself who was doing so _utterly better_ at handling his own shit. Yes, it had been jealousy Naruto had felt, seeing someone who was also so clearly struggling with addiction (although, it had taken Sasuke much longer to admit he had an addiction), but still letting on the airs of _progression._

 

That, Naruto knows, is a different story; the story of Sasuke’s sobriety and Naruto’s lesson in Sasuke’s humanity. In that period of jumbled understanding, Sasuke had looked like a lot of things that Naruto now knew he was not. Accepting that had taken a while, had almost been the straw that broke the camel’s back, but Naruto knew they were stronger on the other side.

 

 

\----

 

 

It had been a few months prior that Sasuke purchased a small company with four stores located on the west side of the country, so like the good boyfriend Naruto tried to be on his good days, Naruto packed his bags and moved west to be with the only person who didn’t make him feel like shit when he couldn’t control his mania.

 

It was easier, but not, since moving, to stay sober.  Naruto wasn’t sure he would ever, truly, be sober. He hadn’t touched hard stuff since before he got his assault charge, but even now, smoking his nightly cigarette before bed, he wonders what the sky will look like if he was a little higher than a nicotine buzz. He corrects his line of thought immediately. It wasn’t healthy, and it wasn’t sane to be so attracted to drugs. He knows this. He could stand in Sasuke’s house, no _their_ house, and know this. Even when his mind tried to tell him he didn’t know this, he knew his mind was wrong.

 

It was easier, but not, to take the medicine, when he is sober. He meditates now, uses traditional Chinese medicines, and takes his CBD pills regularly. When he is doing good, he is doing great. He is stable. He does not crave. He does not long to tear it all down.

 

Then, sometimes, that negative force still blows through him and there is no substance in the world that will satisfy the demon in the pit of his stomach. In those times, Naruto self-destructs. Every time Naruto breaks, Sasuke is there to keep him grounded until he can find his bearings again. Routines and rituals become their daily norm and these things allow Naruto to ease back into himself, and they help. He doesn’t get it, Sasuke doesn’t get it, but its working so they continue forward with hopes that it doesn’t blow up in their faces.

 

There is no more alcohol drank between them, the reasoning of it’s absence more of Sasuke’s will than Naruto’s. There is no recreational use of marijuana in the house any longer, just the regulated medicinal use of high CBD and low THC concentrations. Between Sasuke’s alcoholism and Naruto’s mania, they both are okay with these new arrangements. It had been harder to keep substances out of their lives before moving, and although Sasuke never said it, Naruto figures that may be why he had wanted to move away from their past, away from a place where a five-minute walk down the street guaranteed you will see at least one person you know, and away from friends they enabled and promoted bad choices.

 

Although Naruto thinks he should, Sasuke never tells Naruto he _can’t_ , and for that Naruto is grateful. Naruto thinks, that maybe, being forced to be an adult and to make adult decisions while knowing that the person who depends on you also fully trusts you to make the right decision for yourself, was the most empowering thing Sasuke could do for him. In return, Naruto tries his best to not hurt Sasuke with selfish decisions.

 

And the big truth of it all, was that Naruto felt better than ever. He was still a chaotic idiot, but even with his downs, his ups were more consistent and steady than ever before.

 

That wasn’t to say the road here wasn’t full of its downs, and that wasn’t to say that his relationship was no longer a toxic, addiction-addled, roller coaster, or that he was now fixed and would never have any problems every again, or that Sasuke didn’t sometimes fuck up and stumble home drunk because the temptation was just _too much_. It wouldn’t be life if everyone was perfect. He wouldn’t be himself, if he hadn’t had to learn how to rise out of the mud every time he fell.

 

When he had been a teenager, he had tattooed two words across his knuckled that he felt like he wanted to embody in his life. Wild. Card. At the time, he had only saw it for it’s destructive qualities. He wanted to be that person who accomplished the unexpected and took out all his enemies with the barest of odds in his favor, because he had always had the shittiest best luck in the world. It was his legacy in a way; to be the world’s most unpredictable human.

 

Now though… now he sees the other side of the wild card. Unexpected didn’t have to mean aggression. Not every oddity was an enemy. Luck is subjective. Unpredictability didn’t mean destruction.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The moon comes up.

The moon goes down.

This is to inform you

that I didn’t die young.

Age swept past me

but I caught up.

Spring has begun here and each day

brings new birds up from Mexico.

Yesterday I got a call from the outside

world but I said no in thunder.

I was a dog on a short chain

and now there’s no chain.

 

**_“Barking” by Jim Harrison_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to my good friend, Mason, who was able to beat the addiction, but in the end was not able to beat the depression. You will always be my wild card.


End file.
